The best news story you've ever read?

proactive

proactive

Enjoying a drop of red.
This has got to be mine.

484558_510996702258140_1937586458_n.jpg
 
Withnail

Withnail

Well-Known Forumite
I was looking for one that i remember from the Oxford Mail just the other day - couldn't find any on-line presence...

The headline was DRAMA OF THE SQUID COMA MAN

A Korean fisherman on a boat fishing for squid in the South Atlantic had been hit on the head by a frozen squid so severely that it had sent him into a coma. The boat pulled in to the nearest port, which happened to be Port Stanley in the Malvinas Falklands.

Realising that they couldn't do anything for him there, he was airlifted to Brize Norton then transferred to the John Radcliffe hospital, hence making local news in Oxford, where he made a full recovery.

As far as i know, he lived happily ever after.

Naturally i had to steal the newsagent 'A' board insert with such a fantastic headline on it - my Attorney, to whom i gave it as a birthday present, has it to this very day. :)
 
A

andy w

Well-Known Forumite
A story that sticks in my mind is from the 80's in the Sun (so must be true). Robert 'Doc' Cox had recently taken over the armchair in That's Life, reading out funny stories and carrots shaped as knobs etc. This role was additional to his 'day job' as smutty singer Ivor Biggun he of I'm a winker fame and he and his band were doing a tour round Britain. The tour posters had his picture on them and when they reached Torquay the lovely old ladies of the genteel town saw the photo and thought that would be nice evening of gentle humour and tales. According to the Sun the audience were not amused with the 'rude'songs and in disgust started chanting 'Esther, Esther'. How true all this was I don't know, but I still giggle at the thought of a legion of old codgers chanting the name of That's Life presenter as if they were summoning up a vengeful demon to smite these purveyors of filth
 
Trumpet

Trumpet

Well-Known Forumite
Many moons ago in Brereton, just outside Rugeley there used to be club motocross meetings about 10 or 12 times a year on farmland known as Freeman's fields, very popular with the locals back in those days before Alton Towers and the like. Then along came new houses on adjacent land, not long after that along came the complaints about the noise and calls for the events to be stopped. So in due course after several years of campaigning, argument and legal wrangling farmer Freeman was limited to about 6 meetings a year.
As more houses were built drainage problems started to arise and some of the houses got flooded from time to time, nothing like we see in Worcester etc, mainly waterlogged gardens and a few wet kitchen floors.
Residents approached the council who in due course decided the easiest remedy would be to put in extra drainage running into a culvert that ran through Freeman's fields so old Mr Freeman (Sasha Freeman if I remember right) was approached with this in mind.
You can imagine the response, I believe the quote in the Rugeley Times was " They can b*gg*r off, if they don't want my bikes, I don't want their water".
Sorry it's a bit rambling but it's a classic I'll never forget.
 
tek-monkey

tek-monkey

wanna see my snake?
ATJ said:
I saw one only yesterday which, i think, will remain one of my favourites.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ge-police-officer-offering-cannabis-sale.html
Click to expand...

He worked at Home Bargains in town, obviously not anymore though. I found this hilarious, unfortunately a quick google of the 'tards name throws up this story from 2001:

A TEENAGER who sexually assaulted a 61-year-old woman in Stafford town centre was caged for four years by a judge this week.

Eighteen year old Lee Streeter grabbed the victim as she walked across Sainsbury's car park, groped her and knocked her to the floor, Stafford crown court heard.
Click to expand...
http://www.staffordshirenewsletter.co.uk/News/Teenager-convicted-of-assaulting-woman-61.htm

Can't say for sure its him but the ages match, and its not that common a name.
 
Gramaisc

Gramaisc

Forum O. G.
One of my favourites is not available in the online archive any more, so I've had to type it out.

From the Laois Nationalist - 29/12/2006 - front page leader story.

€50m World Fleadh claim is 'pie in the sky' says local councillor

The prospect of Laois benefiting to the tune of €50m with the influx of 50,000 attending the World Fleadh next year is just pie in the sky, according to independent councillor Micheal Moloney.

Councillor Moloney made his comments after Laois County Council committed €75,000 towards the promotion of the event at its recent annual budget meeting.

The meeting heard the business sector in Portlaoise had already raised €250,000 towards the hosting of the event.
Cllr Moloney said he had carried out research into last year's event held in Ballybunion.

"I can say without fear of contradiction that last year's World Fleadh was a flop. Numerous events were cancelled and those that did happen were poorly attended. If something fails in Kerry, the Mecca of Irish tourism, what is the likelihood of it being otherwise here in Laois?", he said.

"Pure shite." was how Independent Dáil Deputy Jackie Healy-Rae responded to Cllr Moloney's comments when contacted by the Laois Nationalist.

continues..

- - - -

I look forward to the time when our own Member for Stafford may feel it appropriate to respond to a local decision in such a commendably concise manner..
 
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