Boatbuilder
Well-Known Forumite
"I'm sorry," said the barman, "we don't serve time travellers."
A time traveller walks into a bar.
A time traveller walks into a bar.
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Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)
- Thread starter BBC
- Start date
BobClay
Well-Known Forumite
A Husband and Wife who worked for the Circus went to an adoption agency.
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.??
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot Motor Home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful Nursery.
The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time Tutor to teach the Child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and Computer Skills".
Then the social workers expressed concern about a Child being raised in a Circus environment.??
"Our Nanny will be a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers were finally satisfied.
They asked,
"What age child are you hoping to Adopt..??"
"It doesn't really matter... As long as the child fits in the Cannon."
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.??
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot Motor Home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful Nursery.
The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time Tutor to teach the Child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and Computer Skills".
Then the social workers expressed concern about a Child being raised in a Circus environment.??
"Our Nanny will be a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers were finally satisfied.
They asked,
"What age child are you hoping to Adopt..??"
"It doesn't really matter... As long as the child fits in the Cannon."
Boatbuilder
Well-Known Forumite
Met this girl at a party.
She said people called her Vivaldi.
I asked " Is that because you're a brilliant violinist".
She said " No, it's because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi."
She said people called her Vivaldi.
I asked " Is that because you're a brilliant violinist".
She said " No, it's because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi."
Boatbuilder
Well-Known Forumite
"Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," my boss told me.
"Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him.
"Really?" he asked.
"No," I replied.
"Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him.
"Really?" he asked.
"No," I replied.
Carole
Well-Known Forumite
Whenever I’m up In Lancashire I always try and pop in to see my friend Derek Jones at his place of work.
He works in a garment factory doing a bit of running round for the boss.
I went a year ago and said “I’ve come to see Derek Jones”
“Oh” said the boss, “you’ve missed him, he’s popped out, he’s gone for cotton”
So I tried again a few months later, I called in.
Again the boss said “You’ve missed him again, he’s popped out, he’s gone for cotton”
I called in again and said “I’m here to see Derek Jones... is he here, or has he popped out for cotton again”
“Oh” said the boss” He died a few weeks ago. But see that cemetery over the road? He’s over there”
So I found his gravestone and it said.
Here lies Derek Jones.
Gone but not for cotton.
He works in a garment factory doing a bit of running round for the boss.
I went a year ago and said “I’ve come to see Derek Jones”
“Oh” said the boss, “you’ve missed him, he’s popped out, he’s gone for cotton”
So I tried again a few months later, I called in.
Again the boss said “You’ve missed him again, he’s popped out, he’s gone for cotton”
I called in again and said “I’m here to see Derek Jones... is he here, or has he popped out for cotton again”
“Oh” said the boss” He died a few weeks ago. But see that cemetery over the road? He’s over there”
So I found his gravestone and it said.
Here lies Derek Jones.
Gone but not for cotton.
Thehooperman
Well-Known Forumite
Hewie Green lives again
Used to make me giggle when he used to refer to his clapometer.
Gramaisc
Forum O. G.
proactive
Enjoying a drop of red.
Mrs Cameron?
Gramaisc
Forum O. G.
The Beast of Littleworth.
Boatbuilder
Well-Known Forumite
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Everyone can roast beef..........
Everyone can roast beef..........