rich upsetter
Cuffy is the new skill
i like it. a lot!TENSHON said:
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Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)
- Thread starter BBC
- Start date
Zwei Ratten sprechen in einem Abwasserkanal. Man sagt zum anderen, "ich sind krank zum Tod von Scheiße... aller, das er ist wir überhaupt... Scheiße zum Frühstück essen, von Scheiße für das Mittagessen und von Scheiße für Tee... Ich bin Kranker von ihm." "sorgen Sie sich nicht", geantwortet der anderen Ratte... "wir sind auf dem Piss heute abend."
BBC
You knows it
A Scouser walked into the local DSS office, marched straight up to the counter and said "I'm lookin' for a job.".
The man behind the counter replied
"Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur for his daughter.
You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided.
Because of the long hours of this job meals will also be provided and once a year you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holiday. The salary is £30,000 a year.".
The Scouser said "Nah, you're bullshittin' me!".
The man behind the counter said "Well you started it !".
The man behind the counter replied
"Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur for his daughter.
You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided.
Because of the long hours of this job meals will also be provided and once a year you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holiday. The salary is £30,000 a year.".
The Scouser said "Nah, you're bullshittin' me!".
The man behind the counter said "Well you started it !".
Paddy 'n' Murphy are looking through an old box of bits and bobs.
Paddy picks up an old mirror, looks into it and says; "Bloody hell Murphy, I don't know who it is, but I really recognise the bloke in this mirror."
"Let me have a look," says Murphy. "It's me you feckin' ejit.â€
Paddy picks up an old mirror, looks into it and says; "Bloody hell Murphy, I don't know who it is, but I really recognise the bloke in this mirror."
"Let me have a look," says Murphy. "It's me you feckin' ejit.â€
BBC
You knows it
A Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep
are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down
and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the
woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are
all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and
loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs
each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is
beeping the horn
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep
are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down
and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the
woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are
all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and
loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs
each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is
beeping the horn
BBC
You knows it
theres a Frenchman, Italian and a Geordie...
theyre talking about there partners
the frenchman says, "after i have made ze love to my partner, i kiss her neck gently and she raises 2 inches off the bed in ectasy"
the Italian says "thats nothing, when i have finished making love to my partner i kiss her all the way down her body, and she raises 6 inches off the bed in ectasy"
so the geordie steps in "after ive banged me bird i pull my cock out and wipe it on the sheets, she hits the farkin' roof"
theyre talking about there partners
the frenchman says, "after i have made ze love to my partner, i kiss her neck gently and she raises 2 inches off the bed in ectasy"
the Italian says "thats nothing, when i have finished making love to my partner i kiss her all the way down her body, and she raises 6 inches off the bed in ectasy"
so the geordie steps in "after ive banged me bird i pull my cock out and wipe it on the sheets, she hits the farkin' roof"
cookie_monster
Well-Known Forumite
im in a training course at the mo and have just had a very embarrassing sniggering moment!BBC said:
x
cookie_monster
Well-Known Forumite
hey hey chiltzybaby!jchiltz said:
got to give young lil'lou some lessons on how to use the forum so she can come say hi too.
unfortunately, im not gonna be there this weekend....but fingers crossed ill be annoucing my house warming shin dig at some point before xmas.....i hope! (and to which of course you are all invited
)x