Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)

Guvnor

Active Member
Paddy and Murphy in a bar
man walks in, hands the barman a salmon, free beer all night
next night, paddy and murphy in the bar
same man walks in, hands the barman a salmon, free beer all night
next night, paddy and murphy in the bar
same man walks in, hands the barman a salmon, free beer all night
paddy looks at murphy, how de f**K??
paddy grabs man , how de F**K?
man says easy, go down to river, hang off bridge, mate holds ankles, salmon jump, catch, bar, barman, free beer all night
next night paddy holding murphy off bridge
"paddy, paddy, quick for F**ks seke"
"wat murphy ye F***ing get wan"
"nah de F***ing trains cummin"
 

jimbob23

Official 1000th poster
This just in...

Liverpool are after the following in the January transfer window...

Jason Euell (Middlesbrough) and Phil Neville (Everton).
They're also interested in trialling John Wark's son, and will take him on a
month's loan from Aberdeen.

Rafa Benitez said the fans inspired him to recruit these three when they
sang "Euell, Neville, Wark on loan"
 

victoriab

victoriaboyle.co.uk
Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys "You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says "No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it. Then all three guys walk out to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off, starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff. The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer, I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy has another beer. After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went outside and the second guy jumped off of the cliff and feel to the bottom, where he hit the ground and died instantly. The third guy turned to the first guy and said "You know Superman, you are a real jerk when you drink"
 

BBC

You knows it
I parked in a disabled space today.

A traffic warden shouted over "Oi! What's your disability then?"

"Tourettes" I said "Now f*ck off, you c*nt ..."
 

TENSHON

4000th post? Whatever, I'm nonchalant..
paddy bumps into murphy walking down the street.

paddy says, "hello dere Murphy, what da feck d'ya have in yer bag?

"Chickens," replies Murphy.

"If I guess how many chickens yer got in yer bag, can I have one?' asks Paddy.

"I tell yer what," says Murphy. "If yer guess how many I have, ya can have em both."
 

db

#chaplife
Sofa said:
Was ist es? Es ist unsichtbar und riecht nach Hase? Ein Kanninchen Furz!
what is it? it is invisible and smells of rabbit? [you've lost me on the last bit..]
 

MISS T

Forum user & abuser
What's invisible and smells of rabbit? A rabbits fart.
:rofl:
Clearly I knew that, just translating for the simpletons
 

BBC

You knows it
what is it? It is invisible in rich and after a hare? A rabbit fart!

This is my poor attempt at translating this benutzen meine deutsch abitur (using my german a level!)

Unless something is severly lost in my poor translation then the german humour is (not for the first time in my life) sincerely lost on me here!

Care to enlighten us sofa??

:)
 

db

#chaplife
BBC said:
what is it? It is invisible in rich and after a hare? A rabbit fart!

This is my poor attempt at translating this benutzen meine deutsch abitur (using my german a level!)

Unless something is severly lost in my poor translation then the german humour is (not for the first time in my life) sincerely lost on me here!

Care to enlighten us sofa??

:)
you have an a-level in german? mein gott!
 

Sofa

I'm a Staffooooooordian
It is a deliberately not very good joke from a classic film called "Otto - der Film" by a north German comic called Otto Walkes. I just wanted to add a joke and nothing else came to mind. Sorry.

But while we are on the subject of German things, and I will be rolling this out big time after Xmas, but does anyone fancy joining me on a trip to our German twin town of Dreieich on the weekend of their town festival / piss up - (leave Friday 25th, return Monday 28th May 2007)?
 

db

#chaplife
Sofa said:
It is a deliberately not very good joke from a classic film called "Otto - der Film" by a north German comic called Otto Walkes. I just wanted to add a joke and nothing else came to mind. Sorry.

But while we are on the subject of German things, and I will be rolling this out big time after Xmas, but does anyone fancy joining me on a trip to our German twin town of Dreieich on the weekend of their town festival / piss up - (leave Friday 25th, return Monday 28th May 2007)?
there's no way i can afford to go, but if you end up doing, i expect a veritable treasure trove of photos to be posted here.. i have no idea what our Deutsche Zwillinge are like!
 

TENSHON

4000th post? Whatever, I'm nonchalant..
three blokes go into an ice cream shop. the first bloke asks the lady in the shop, "can you make any flavoured ice cream?" the lady says she can so the first bloke orders an ice cream that tastes of Guinness. She goes out back and comes out five later and presents the Guinness flavoured ice cream. he takes a big lick, "wow, that's amazing," he says. the second bloke asks for a JD & Coke flavoured ice cream. again, the lady goes out back and emerges five minutes later with the finished product. the man takes a big lick, "tastes just like the real thing," he comments. the third bloke asks if she can make one that tastes like pussy. slightly bemused, she disappears out back before returning with the requested ice cream. the third bloke takes a lick, "ergh, that's disgusting - it tastes like shit". "well", said the lady, "you shouldn't have taken such a big lick."
 

jimbob23

Official 1000th poster
Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.

"That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone - I have a microchip in my hand."

The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.

He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
The Irishman looked round for a few seconds and said, "Well, will you look at that. I'm getting a fax."
 
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