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Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)
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wmrcomputers
Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist
Just had a 100m long roll of 2m wide bubblewrap delivered at work. I asked the boss what he wanted me to do with it, to which he replied "pop it over there in the corner"........
Took me 4 f***ing hours!!
Took me 4 f***ing hours!!
Gramaisc
Forum O. G.
I ordered a big roll of bubble-wrap for greenhouse insulation duties - it was delivered wrapped....
Withnail
Well-Known Forumite
Come to think of it, it is.
I fear i have been inexorably corrupted by the linguistic wild west that is the intertubes.
Carole
Well-Known Forumite
Oh it is, is it?
Withnail
Well-Known Forumite
On the basis that is specifically one ear, and furthermore that one would hope that not everyone's English usage has deteriorated so profoundly as my own, i'd have to respond in the affirmative.
Innit?
wmrcomputers
Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist
A bloke is walking around a supermarket when he sees an attractive looking lady wave at him. As he gets closer the face looks familiar, so he says "I'm sorry, how is it that I know you?". She replies "I think you are the father of one of my children".
Knowing that he has only ever once been unfaithful to his wife, he instantly remembers and says "Oh yes of course. You're one of the strippers that was at my mate Alan's stag doo. I made love to you on the pool table while everyone watched, and your partner whipped my ass with a stick of wet celery".
"No" she responded, "I'm your daughter's school teacher".
Knowing that he has only ever once been unfaithful to his wife, he instantly remembers and says "Oh yes of course. You're one of the strippers that was at my mate Alan's stag doo. I made love to you on the pool table while everyone watched, and your partner whipped my ass with a stick of wet celery".
"No" she responded, "I'm your daughter's school teacher".
wmrcomputers
Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist
CHINESE SICK LEAVE
Ho Chow calls into work and says "I no come work today. I really sick. Got headache. Got stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work".
The boss replies, "Do you know what, Ho Chow, I really need you in today. Sometimes when I feel poorly like you, I ask my wife for sex and that makes me feel better. You try that".
Two hours later, Ho Chow calls work and says to the boss "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon.... You got nice house"
Ho Chow calls into work and says "I no come work today. I really sick. Got headache. Got stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work".
The boss replies, "Do you know what, Ho Chow, I really need you in today. Sometimes when I feel poorly like you, I ask my wife for sex and that makes me feel better. You try that".
Two hours later, Ho Chow calls work and says to the boss "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon.... You got nice house"
Carole
Well-Known Forumite
Gramaisc
Forum O. G.
Carole
Well-Known Forumite
My favourite joke that Masai told when we saw him yesterday at the fringe was this.
Which one of these is most likely to end up as a chemist (he then holds up 3 fingers)
Is it the child of Farmer A?
Is it the child of Farmer B?
Or is it the hardworking Asian kid?
Which one of these is most likely to end up as a chemist (he then holds up 3 fingers)
Is it the child of Farmer A?
Is it the child of Farmer B?
Or is it the hardworking Asian kid?
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wmrcomputers
Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist
What do you call a bunch of hares in a line walking backwards?
A receeding hare line
A receeding hare line
wmrcomputers
Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist
A man passes another man in a field. The man's face is in his hands as he kneels on the floor crying. The first man approaches him to ask what is wrong. "It's this hare. It's dead."
"no fear", replies the first man, as he takes a spray can from his pocket and proceeds to mist the dead animal. Suddenly, up it jumps bouncing off into the distance. About 20 yards away it turns and waves then bounces off again. Another 20 yards and again the hare turns to wave. This continues into the distance until the hare is out of sight.
"Wow, what on earth did you spray at it".....
"HAIR RESTORER WITH A PERMANENT WAVE"
"no fear", replies the first man, as he takes a spray can from his pocket and proceeds to mist the dead animal. Suddenly, up it jumps bouncing off into the distance. About 20 yards away it turns and waves then bounces off again. Another 20 yards and again the hare turns to wave. This continues into the distance until the hare is out of sight.
"Wow, what on earth did you spray at it".....
"HAIR RESTORER WITH A PERMANENT WAVE"
Gramaisc
Forum O. G.
You often see rabbits dead on the roads, but very rarely see a hare that's been killed.
Sometimes, if you look closely, you can see a hare standing in the hedgerow. If you look in your mirror after you've gone past, you may see ( if the road behind you is clear of traffic ) the hare signal to other ( hidden ) hares and the whole group will cross the road in safety. Sometimes a group will cross from the other side, too.
This behaviour seems to have evolved in the period since WW2, as traffic volumes have steadily increased. It has only been recorded in recent years, though, as the technology for low-light remote cameras has improved.
The position of the hare in the hedge seems to be taken in turns by the older members of the group.
Amongst field biologists, the hare that has the responsibility for giving the 'safe' signal is known as the Hare Traffic Controller.
Sometimes, if you look closely, you can see a hare standing in the hedgerow. If you look in your mirror after you've gone past, you may see ( if the road behind you is clear of traffic ) the hare signal to other ( hidden ) hares and the whole group will cross the road in safety. Sometimes a group will cross from the other side, too.
This behaviour seems to have evolved in the period since WW2, as traffic volumes have steadily increased. It has only been recorded in recent years, though, as the technology for low-light remote cameras has improved.
The position of the hare in the hedge seems to be taken in turns by the older members of the group.
Amongst field biologists, the hare that has the responsibility for giving the 'safe' signal is known as the Hare Traffic Controller.