1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Welcome to Stafford Forum. Please or sign-up and start posting!

Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by BBC, Oct 3, 2006.

  1. Trumpet

    Trumpet Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2009
    Messages:
    7,155
    Likes Received:
    3,369
    Where, Where, Where?
     
  2. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
  3. Withnail

    Withnail Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2010
    Messages:
    17,077
    Likes Received:
    5,218
    Jacob Cream-Cracker is Leader of the House of Commons.

    Ha ha.

    Hahaha.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
     
  4. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    It has to be said that Fido's first day as a sheepherder didn't exactly go according to plan. :buddy:

    sheepherder.jpg
     
  5. basil

    basil don't mention the blinds

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2009
    Messages:
    9,023
    Likes Received:
    1,953
    20190808_100627.jpg
     
    BobClay likes this.
  6. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    I go on a Merchant Navy site that also has a joke thread. Some of the jokes were so bad I used to reply with this pix. I sort of got a reputation as the groan-o-meter expert.
    groanometerinfinity.jpg

    Now I've just seen this joke on that site:

    "My car broke down so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.

    He said “Hello Sir, you are a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed too".

    I could see the problem...

    Bat flattery"


    I think I'm getting out of the groan-o-meter business. :gonk:
     
    Carole likes this.
  7. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    I know I shouldn't laugh, but I've twanged something deep deep deep in my gut at this ….

    TitanicElephants.jpg
     
    Noah and whitelion like this.
  8. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    I nicked Tilly's picture … but I couldn't resist this one: :teef:

    The Tyrell Corporation have got a lot to answer for:
    "We're gonna need a bigger Blade Runner ….. " :twisted:

    TrumpJohnson.jpg
     
  9. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    Referencing the above: this works …. :teef:

    leader.jpg
     
    Carole likes this.
  10. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    You just have to love this man …….

    MarkTwain1.jpg
     
    Trumpet, Noah and Gramaisc like this.
  11. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    He could be right …. :heyhey:

    guyfawkes.jpg
     
  12. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    This is what you get when you mess with leprechauns …. (hopefully) …. :pint::heyhey:
    rainbow.jpg
     
    Gramaisc likes this.
  13. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    I had to laugh. …. (…. and the bruises will wear off in a week or two … :heyhey:)

    CarNoise.jpg
     
  14. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    This is a 'blonde' joke. If there are any blondes amongst you … well … ARF ARF :heyhey:

    Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning –though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

    The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

    The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

    The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
     
    Mikinton and Glam like this.
  15. Mikinton

    Mikinton Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2011
    Messages:
    2,005
    Likes Received:
    1,155
    basil, Carole, BobClay and 1 other person like this.
  16. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    Never say, No way.

    gaming.jpg
     
    Noah, Thehooperman, Gramaisc and 2 others like this.
  17. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    1,912
    Likes Received:
    2,370
    We all live in hope …. :buddy:

    KeithRichards.jpg
     
    perry081064 likes this.
  18. Glam

    Glam Mad Cat Woman

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2010
    Messages:
    7,843
    Likes Received:
    3,914
    A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so pissed if it's not ready on time." When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg - and a can of cat food.
    With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf. She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
    To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it "Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day?" Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
    She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified
    "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed. Two months later, her husband died.
    The women were sitting around the clubhouse and one of them said, "You killed him "We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in!
    "How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him.
    He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his bum."
     

Share This Page