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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by BBC, Oct 3, 2006.
Where, Where, Where?
But if I see you wearing them, I'll report you to the committee of inhuman activites.
Jacob Cream-Cracker is Leader of the House of Commons.
It has to be said that Fido's first day as a sheepherder didn't exactly go according to plan.
I go on a Merchant Navy site that also has a joke thread. Some of the jokes were so bad I used to reply with this pix. I sort of got a reputation as the groan-o-meter expert.
Now I've just seen this joke on that site:
"My car broke down so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.
He said “Hello Sir, you are a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed too".
I could see the problem...
I think I'm getting out of the groan-o-meter business.
I know I shouldn't laugh, but I've twanged something deep deep deep in my gut at this ….
I nicked Tilly's picture … but I couldn't resist this one:
The Tyrell Corporation have got a lot to answer for:
"We're gonna need a bigger Blade Runner ….. "
Referencing the above: this works ….
You just have to love this man …….
He could be right ….
This is what you get when you mess with leprechauns …. (hopefully) ….
I had to laugh. …. (…. and the bruises will wear off in a week or two … )
This is a 'blonde' joke. If there are any blondes amongst you … well … ARF ARF
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning –though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
(Stolen from Twitter)
Just been for a job interview. One of the bosses asked me how well I perform under pressure.
I told them I didn’t know the second verse, but I do know all of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never say, No way.
We all live in hope ….
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so pissed if it's not ready on time." When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg - and a can of cat food.
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf. She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it "Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day?" Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed. Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the clubhouse and one of them said, "You killed him "We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in!
"How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him.
He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his bum."