Random Things of Interest - With a Detached PostModern Feel.

[DaveDon'tRave]

this is a fantastic site;

http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/gossip.html

sample snippet; overheard conversations on the London Underground;
30th November 2006

1. There's no point getting upset about it anymore.

2. I have to apologise to Gavin for vomiting in his car last Tuesday.

3. How can they expect us to be awake at 10am? It's outrageous.

4. What happened to the fat woman who runs the organic cafe?

5. Mmmm... ackee and saltfish.

6. What's with the flat cap?


23rd November 2006
1. Get Owen to pay for it. He's got plenty of money... he's a graduate.

2. I didn't hear my phone. Therefore I could not answer it.

3. What you going to do about it? Hit me? You've got no arms.

4. Oh man... I am gonna be in trouble. I've got 1 or 2 points... if you get three points, they report you.

5. Mama Mia is shit. There's no plot.

6. You can buy a nativity scene in Woolworths. They throw in the kids.

7. If a law makes sense, they should just pass it. I don't know why they have to debate it for a year.

8. I'm going to have a little sleepie.

9. I thought Cliff Richard was in the Rolling Stones, no?

10. Where can I buy good baklawa?


7. You're my wingman. We fly together.

8. The food portions in New York make London look like a third world country.

9. And they banned something I care passionately about: communism.

10. How can I be racist? I'm black, in case you hadn't noticed.

 

[squeezemycheeks]

IF ANYBODY CARES TO READ THIS, IT IS A DEBATE OF NONSENSE VIA EMAIL BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE AT 'WORK', AFTER ONE CLAIMED THAT HE WAS GENERALLY GREAT; probably needs to be read from the bottom up.


Not true. I was not saying that you could not see past the usual, simply that you were not. This ability lies within every sentient creature on this planet; it comes down to a matter of choice whether we wish to utilise it. I think that any critically thinking person would agree that this is what advances humanity, and that we are all capable of it. This in no way contradicts my initial claim of humility.

I never intended for you to live my life, but simply to learn from me living my life, just as we have learned from the lives which have been lived before us. I would never intimate that one should simply live another’s life, but I would argue that we should learn from others. This in no way could be taken as a God complex, or fascism. This does not even warrant clarifying.

The assumption about your motives and beliefs came from your comment about the usual attributes of humility. Just because they are not the usual attributes does not mean that under certain circumstances they could be. You were simply not applying the ability previously described.

Sh*tbag

************
RSME Project Manager
Tel:
Mob:

From
Sent: 05 December 2006 13:14
To:
Subject: RE: this is fun

Again you leave yourself open to accusations of contradiction and inconsistency;

a) You assume that you have a capacity to see as others don’t, this belies your claims of humility. To counter this argument with the simple claim that I cannot see past the ‘usual’, because you can, is the nature of the caterwaul of all charlatans.
b) You believe that if I was to “live your lifeâ€, I may share in your vision and attain greatness.
i) These statements are potentially the foundation of Fascism.
ii) Or, and indication of a God Complex.
iii) Or, both.
c) You make a number of assumptions about my motives or beliefs when there has been no mention of these in this dialogue.

T**


-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: 05 December 2006 13:01
To:
Subject: RE:

Again, you are basing your reasoning on customs & habits ingrained into the very fabric of your being. It is not your fault that you are unable to see past the disability of the “usualâ€. Hopefully, by living my life, you will be able to acknowledge the advancement of humanity, and maybe one day you will desire to emulate others and attain greatness. I am not intending to rewrite history, but only by casting off doubt and striding through the quagmire of ‘common belief’ can we truly write the future.

Kn*b


**************
RSME Project Manager
Tel:
Mob

From:]
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:50
To:
Subject: RE:

As much as I admire your insights, the argument laid out below has an inherent contradiction in it that undermines even your own acknowledgment of the contradictory nature of your discourse;

The virtue of humility is not usually attributed to one who perpetually toots on his won trumpet to the tune of; “I’m the Don, I’m Donlike etc….â€.

Also; rambling platitudes of the likes of “…simply goodness…the best life possible…†are meaningless, not too mention arrogant statements that make overblown gestures of good intent backed up by little more than egotistical whimsies.

W***ker.

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:36
To:
Subject: RE:

I beg to differ. It is wholly possible to live a humble life whilst still being a realist in the modern world. Hence my, what some may call contradictory, claim that I will be a don whilst having meek sensibilities. For me, it is possible to emulate the greatest facets from the greatest figures in history, and attempt the attain greatness myself…not to feel the adoration of millions after my life has expired, but simply to life the best life it is possible to live. This has absolutely nothing to do with religion…..simply goodness….humbled by life & humanity, not god.

C*nt


**************
RSME Project Manager
Tel:
Mob:

From:
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:28
To

Subject: RE:

The question is whom exactly are you emulating? Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Ghandi?

Also;

With ‘meek sensibilities’ the likelihood of attaining ‘Don’ status is minimal.
Unless of course you’re heroes are of a peaceful and religious nature then of course you may believe that the ‘meek’ will inherit the earth.

However, to be achieving ‘Don’ status in that sphere would mean living the life of an inspirational religious figure.

C**k.

Arf Arf

-----Original Message-----
From:]
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:22
To:
Subject: RE:

Emulation is the greatest form of flattery, and whilst I may know that I am not a full true don at present, through emulating my heroes I may one day become ‘a don’. If this may not happen (which is unlikey), at least my dead heroes will know that I wished to be like them, which satisfies my meek sensibilities.

F*ck you.


***********
RSME Project Manager
Tel:
Mob:

From:
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:17
To
Subject: RE:

Donlike…

But not actually a Don…

Even your subconscious knows the truth…

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:10
To
Subject: RE:

The word is……………………………………………………………………..poo.

No, I haven’t seen it yet, missed it last week, ended up going to the pub instead…..Im sure I’ll catch it soon.

Password: The ever predictable, and most honest description of myself in the world ever…..donlike

Blog address :*****************.blogspot.com

Read it and weep…………………..asshole.


**************
RSME Project Manager
Tel:
Mob:

From:]
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:06
To
Subject: RE:

Course I am, you f**ka…

Have you seen *********** new TV show, I haven’t seen it yet…

Give me the words…

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: 05 December 2006 12:04
To:
Subject: RE:

Erm, I don’t know if you are privileged enough to have this information….


*************
RSME Project Manager
Tel: 01634 846929
Mob:07802 492564
www.babcock.co.uk

From:
Sent: 05 December 2006 11:58
To:
Subject:

Whats your ************* password…

And your blog email address…

Ja ja.

Email Customer Services Team
Email Centre (Stoke)
Landline:
Email:

Registered office, The Connection, Newbury, Berkshire, RG14 2FN
Registered in England No: 1471587

**********************************************************************
This electronic mail message, including any attachments, is a
confidential communication exclusively between International
Group PLC or its subsidiary company and the intended recipient(s)
indicated as the addressee(s). It contains information which is private

 

[Andreas Rex]

This dialogue helps me to understand why companies such as vodafone (british gas, ntl, i could go on..) have such incredibly bad customer service! (The rant thread)

Maybe if they spent as much time trying to sort out disgruntled customers they'd have a better reputation.

 

[squeezemycheeks]

Andreas this is very true. but even more amusing (at least to myself), is that one of the protagonists in this dialogue is a Project Manager.

THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY.

 

[db]

Andreas this is very true. but even more amusing (at least to myself), is that one of the protagonists in this dialogue is a Project Manager.

THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY.

one of them is davedon'trave.. no one else in this world would sign messages "Arf Arf"..

 

[squeezemycheeks]

I wouldn't possibly like to comment Dirty.

However;

Read this good article in the Guardian last night about ‘Tiredness’ being a taboo; basically it said that everyone these days is generally wealthier, has more status etc, but technology hasn’t freed us up to relax more like it was predicted to in the 60’s, instead we’re all slaves to our work, via phones, emails etc. because we never truly feel like we’ve got away from work.

We also work overly hard (apparently) to compensate for the fact that there is no work stability and we’re scared someone else will come along and nick our job if we give the impression we can’t cope.

The ‘taboo’ part, is that everyone wants to give the impression of being able to cope and that they’re not failing; as a consequence we push ourselves beyond our own limits and as a result the prevailing mood of the nation (apparently) is one of constant irritability, barely-suppressed rage and indignation that other people do not understand what a ‘busy and important’ person we are. This (apparently) has lead to a general state of self-absorption and alienation from each other, even though we are in constant contact with each other through a variety of mediums (another story).

In the article, WW2 is cited as being an example of life-affirming ‘busy-ness’. Although people were always active there was a pervading sense of ‘togetherness’, of overcoming problems together and supporting each other whenever possible.

In conclusion, this is moderns life’s current dilemma, we have swapped a less financially rewarding life-style in exchange for one that puts us in competition with each other, where communicating the truth about how we feel may lead to us losing our job on the grounds that we ‘can’t cope’. Which even when we are working until 3am and getting up at 6am to start all over again, is considered a sign of weakness.

Hurrah.

The article in its entirety can be read here;

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/woman/story/0,,1959914,00.html

If you want like.

 

[BBC]

I read this too Dave. Very interesting. Some people do seem to always be rushing around, something to do, someone to meet etc. Chill the f*ck out would you!? People like this either can't manage their time properly or are trying to do too much. I realise some people have lots of responsibilities/duties etc but surely if your always busy then you need to have a look at things and sort it out.

I'm not sure about 'technology freeing up our time to relax more'. I spend half my life trying to work out why my ipod has f*cked up again, why my wireless internet connection has gone down again, why my sky plus has failed to record again! Technology can add unneccesary stress to modern life as well as make it easier!

 

[DaveDon'tRave]

RANDOM REDNECK; "Looks like we got our selves a READER...!"
WAFFLE WAITRESS; "Scuse me Mister, what you reading for...?"


I agree Beeb, case in point thought, we THOUGHT technology was going to free us up. Which as you rightly mention 'does it feck'. Memories of raging at inanimate objects such as computers, phones, iPods etc. leap out at me.

Apparently in the 60's we must have thought there would be robots doing the ironing for us or something, giving us plenty of time to indulge in 'free love' and 'trippin''; instead we just got a bit of steam wafting its way out of the bottom of the iron...

 

[DaveDon'tRave]

Imagine God is in his heaven. He is not a bearded old man in robes. He is a vaguely humanoid blur, like a stick figure drawn in charcoal and then smudged around the edges.

God created the world and mankind, but now he doesn't know what to do with them. In short: God is bored.

To relieve the tedium of watching mankind toing-and-froing down on Earth, God decides to raise the stakes. He doesn't actually want to destroy the world because a) he made an informal agreement with Noah after the flood and b) he is actually quite fond of mankind.

What he does to pass the time is play a game. The kind of game we all play when we're bored; we walk home without stepping on the cracks of the pavement, or we urge one raindrop to beat the other in a race down a window pane.

Every day when God wakes up and gets out of his celestial bed, he plays a game. Because he is not a natural risk-taker, he makes little bets with himself that he is pretty darn sure he will win.

Here is an example of a week of God's bets. They are jotted down in a small Rymans notepad by his bedside.

Monday (which he maintains is the first day of the week): If no-one on Earth says the word 'cattle', I will destroy the world.
Tuesday: If no-one in Europe claps their hands today, I shall sink Europe into the sea.
Wednesday: If anyone in America uses the phrase 'Serbo-Croat Lilliput Crayfish' I will give that individual apocalyptic powers.
Thursday: If under 1000 Twix bars are sold in England, I will destroy England.
Friday: If no-one in Africa gets drunk today, I will destroy Africa AND alcohol.
Saturday: If Middlesbrough beats Charlton by more than 25 goals, I will disappear and leave mankind to its own devices.
Sunday (the last day of the week): If anyone in London reads every word printed in every single page of the Sunday papers (including adverts) I will abolish language.
As you see, they are all bets that are unlikely to disrupt the status quo of the world, as they are all unlikely to happen. But they keep God occupied. Some scholars have said that as time passes God will get increasingly bored and start playing riskier games - and so terrible events are far more likely to happen.

Which is why, as you pass your time on Earth, it is always worth keeping your fingers crossed.

 

[TENSHON]

does anybody understand stephen hawkings' Final Theory On Everything? i was trying to get my head around it over the weekend. not very successfully i add. he claims we will understand all the secrets of the universe in the next 100 years. he was going on about space-time being part of a multi-dimensional world. the example used was this, if you're onboard a train and bounce a ping pong ball on the table and it travels at 1 metre a second - what you see is it travel at 1 metre per second in a vertical direction. however, if the train is travelling at 40 metres per second and you're standing on a platform as the train passes, you will see the ball travel 40 metres horizontally in 1 second. hawkings then went on about being able to 'bend' time and i completely lost the thread. i'm interested though, in a back to the future kind of way. can any science boffins out there elaborate?

 

[jimbob23]

if you're onboard a train and bounce a ping pong ball on the table and it travels at 1 metre a second - what you see is it travel at 1 metre per second in a vertical direction. however, if the train is travelling at 40 metres per second and you're standing on a platform as the train passes, you will see the ball travel 40 metres horizontally in 1 second.

Well that's bollocks for a start. Have you seen a train travelling at 40 metres per second? That's 90 mph. There's no way, if you're standing on a station platform, you'd be able to discern a bloke in a wheelchair bouncing a ping pong ball on a table inside a train travelling past you at 90 miles an hour.

And I though he was supposed to be clever.

 

[TENSHON]

well, if it was a foreign train with forest gump onboard to help hawkings bounce the ping pong ball and superman was standing on the platform with his special super vision the theory does asks some interesting questions.

 

[db]

does anybody understand stephen hawkings' Final Theory On Everything?

are you kidding?? the unified field theory attempts to bring together all the fundamental principles of physics which bind our known understanding of the universe, so in order to even begin to grasp this "Theory Of Everything" you need at least a modicum of understanding of all these underlying concepts and how they intereact with each other.. which is no mean feat..

i've tried a few times, but always get a headache and end up opening a bottle of wine and getting drunk instead..

everything i know about space, time and physics i learned from MC Hawking: A Brief History of Rhyme.. if anyone wants a copy of the CD, let me know.. it's farking brilliant, seriously..

Creationists always try to use the second law
to disprove evolution, but their theory has a flaw:
the Second law is quite precise about where it applies,
only in a closed system must the entropy count rise.
The Earth's not a closed system,
it's powered by the sun.
So feck the damn creationists,
Yo Doomsday, get my gun!

BLAP!

 

[TENSHON]

i thought you were taking the piss, until i looked it up...

 

[Andreas Rex]

everything i know about space, time and physics i learned from MC Hawking: A Brief History of Rhyme.. if anyone wants a copy of the CD, let me know.. it's farking brilliant, seriously..

Ha ha! That goes for me too. It is indeed a superb album.

I'm down with entropy, yeah you know me!

 

[db]

i thought you were taking the piss, until i looked it up...

no - it's brilliant.. seriously, the tunes are good, it has genuine theory in there, and it's absolutely hilarious..

I explode like a bomb.
No one is spared.
My power is my mass
times the speed of light squared.

I got a Phd in pain
and a masters in disaster,
the mighty Stephen Hawking
is a farking QuakeMaster.

 

[TENSHON]

if anyone wants a copy of the CD, let me know

me please!

 

[db]

if anyone wants a copy of the CD, let me know

me please!

lol i like the way it was me who offered that, but you somehow made it look like andreas, thus abstaining me of my responsibility to fulfil my promise

 

[Andreas Rex]

if anyone wants a copy of the CD, let me know

me please!

lol i like the way it was me who offered that, but you somehow made it look like andreas, thus abstaining me of my responsibility to fulfil my promise

Aaaargh!! Just been lookin for it on me PC and it's disappeared! Will have a hunt at home. Whilst on the topic of Hawking, this is incredibly funny. Needs sound. http://www.b3ta.com/hawking

 

[db]

PM me your address tenshon and i'll mail you a copy..