Wedding Etiquette

littleme

250,000th poster!
My eldest son is getting married in August ("what? you can't possibly be old enough to have a son that old" I hear you say... ), so this will make me Mother-Of-The-Groom....

Now, the last wedding that I went to was mine (very informal) & the previous one would of been my Uncles when I was about 15! So I really don't have a clue as to what I should be doing/wearing/saying....

I really don't want to let my son down on his big day (I'm actually a very shy person, & I get very panicky/flustered when I have to meet new people & with large social gatherings), so I've been browsing the internet for clues - but it would be soooooo much better if you lovely people of Stafford could give me some advice - what do I wear, what should I be doing, what should I do with my hair, wear a hat? fascinator? What about gifts? How involved should I be? what should I be offering to do? HEEEEELLLLLPPP!!!!

Mostly my son & future daughter in law seem to have everything sorted & booked already - they are getting married at Baden Hall in Eccleshall if that's any clue as to what the wedding will be like - but no-ones given me a clue as to what's expected of me! Aggggghhh I don't feel like I'm grown up enough for this at all!
 

tek-monkey

wanna see my snake?
I hope Baden Hall have a cashpoint now, that caused lots of problems when we went and they didn't accept cards!
 

littleme

250,000th poster!
Keep a low profile - just sit quietly at the back - tutting.
Noooooo! That's probably just what my MIL was doing, dressed all in black with what looked like a Turkey on her head! I don't want sons to be like that at all!
 

proactive

Enjoying a drop of red.
My eldest son is getting married in August ("what? you can't possibly be old enough to have a son that old" I hear you say... ), so this will make me Mother-Of-The-Groom....

Now, the last wedding that I went to was mine (very informal) & the previous one would of been my Uncles when I was about 15! So I really don't have a clue as to what I should be doing/wearing/saying....

I really don't want to let my son down on his big day (I'm actually a very shy person, & I get very panicky/flustered when I have to meet new people & with large social gatherings), so I've been browsing the internet for clues - but it would be soooooo much better if you lovely people of Stafford could give me some advice - what do I wear, what should I be doing, what should I do with my hair, wear a hat? fascinator? What about gifts? How involved should I be? what should I be offering to do? HEEEEELLLLLPPP!!!!

Mostly my son & future daughter in law seem to have everything sorted & booked already - they are getting married at Baden Hall in Eccleshall if that's any clue as to what the wedding will be like - but no-ones given me a clue as to what's expected of me! Aggggghhh I don't feel like I'm grown up enough for this at all!
You'll be pleased to hear that you don't actually have any role as such on the big day.

As mother of the groom you simply turn up, sit where you are told to for the ceremony, cry (or laugh out loud like my mother did), when the rings are exchanged and that's about it. You'll be told where to stand and when you are needed for the photographs by the photographer. As for the bun-fight after you'll probably have to stand in line along with your husband and the bride's parents as guests enter the dining area and greet them with the customary (Lovely to see you/thank you for coming) phrases. You probably won't know half the people you are greeting but that's par for the course. If you feel awkward, dunna worry as the chances are they'll be feeling even more awkward.

After that you just sit at top table, relax and eat and drink. Watch the bride's father and the best man brick it before their speeches and that's it.

Etiquette would be to try not to collapse from too much alcohol or embarrass the bride by tutting until the evening 'do' but you can play that by ear. Oh, and try not to vomit over the bride's parents...

As for what to wear, I'll leave that to someone more qualified than I but it would probably be an idea to liaise somehow with the other females sitting at top table to make sure that there are no clothes clashes.

Have fun :)
 

Carole

Well-Known Forumite
Do you have a budget?

I would wear a dress and fitted jacket plus a hat.

I was in House of Fraser (Beatties) in Wolverhampton the other week and saw some gorgeous wedding type outfits reduced from £150 to £40.
 

Wormella

Well-Known Forumite
It might be easiest to ask you son and daughter in law what they want they want you to be doing, if anything. As for outfits, suggest a shopping trip with said daughter in law to be and her mother - that way you'll both have an idea of what each other is wearing and there won't be any clashes / duplication.
 

Gadget

Well-Known Forumite
As above only I'll add, turn up, to the things to do for the reception. My M.I.L didn't with some vague excuse and then spent the whole evening phoning my f.i.l trying to get him to come home too.
Simply ask your son and his lady what they would like you to do, check with brides parents if you like to see where else you could help, apart from that enjoy!
 

Withnail

Well-Known Forumite
Get absolutely plastered, flash your boobs at the Father of the Bride then punch the Mother of the Bride whilst rambling semi-coherently about her stealing your son or something.

Make it a Day to Remember. :)
 

Wormella

Well-Known Forumite
My OH sells wedding attire, never seen a mother of the groom dress though! We're not exactly 'normal' though, last family wedding it was me giving my mum away.

The fashion trends tends to be semi formal dress / coat ensembles - Barbara Powell in Stafford is probably a good starting point if you want the 'classic' look or, Monsoon or Country Casuals next to Starbucks. But go with whatever makes you happy, fits the occasion and the venue. (and the colour scheme if that's the kind of thing the happy couple care about)
 
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proactive

Enjoying a drop of red.
Get absolutely plastered, flash your boobs at the Father of the Bride then punch the Mother of the Bride whilst rambling semi-coherently about her stealing your son or something.

Make it a Day to Remember. :)
You were at my wedding :lorks:
 

Noah

Well-Known Forumite
Your only duty is to flirt with the fittest groomsman

It is the role of the best man & chief bridesmaid to flirt with each other. Careful about getting the mother of the groom involved. It might not be the best idea if it goes down in family history as the wedding where the cheif bridesmaid and the mother of the groom fought over the best man.
 

littleme

250,000th poster!
@proactive Thank you for the best description ever & so funny! Although I've got to ask why there was laughing at the exchanging of the rings? You've made it sound so easy & not half as scary as I'm working it up to be...

@Carol @Wormella I hadn't even thought of a budget yet, I didn't even think about it really till yesterday when the internet told me I should have my outfit sorted 6months previously! Dress & jacket sound good though :) House of Fraser & Monsoon (maybe debenhams?) are sounding good - any other suggestions would be good too (where do grown ups buy their clothes) - I'm not sure about Barbara Powell - I'm only 44, live in jeans & still buy most of my clothes in New Look!

@Gadget @Withnail I will do that (my MIL made no attempt to help with anything at all either & originaly told us she wasn't coming as she had to do a charity stall for the Duke of Edinburgh awards in the morning!) & I'll try not to do that!

@Noah I'll try to remember that!

@staffordjas - I'm finding it horribly scary, I really don't feel grown up enough for this at all!

@That-Crazy-Rat-Lady Where are you? You need to join in here & give me some advice from the DIL perspective!!!

I did go with son, DIL, DILs mum & DILs aunty to help choose the venue, but apart from that I've only met DILs mum once before & have never really had the chance to talk to her & our family's are very different too - ours is very small & not very outgoing, where as DILs is huge & very very outgoing.....meeting all of these new people fills me with dread :(
 

Wormella

Well-Known Forumite
@proactive Thank you for the best description ever & so funny! Although I've got to ask why there was laughing at the exchanging of the rings? You've made it sound so easy & not half as scary as I'm working it up to be...

@Carol @Wormella I hadn't even thought of a budget yet, I didn't even think about it really till yesterday when the internet told me I should have my outfit sorted 6months previously! Dress & jacket sound good though :) House of Fraser & Monsoon (maybe debenhams?) are sounding good - any other suggestions would be good too (where do grown ups buy their clothes) - I'm not sure about Barbara Powell - I'm only 44, live in jeans & still buy most of my clothes in New Look!

The danger with most high street shops is you could end up wearing something a guest is also wearing, which is why places like Barbara Powell exist. I'd stay away from M&S or Next for these reasons. HOF, Monsoon, John Lewis & Debenhams are all good bets, as are Laura Ashley & TX Maxx - you never know what you might come across in there

Whatever you go for remember weddings have a lot of waiting around, and are usually in very warm, stuffy venues. you'll be required to be in many of the photos so make sure you've got an outfit you're comfortable in you won't cringe at in years to come...
 

Carole

Well-Known Forumite
Also stay away from anything that creases when you sit down or it look dreadful in the photos.

I agree that Debenhams, John Lewis, House of Fraser are good bets.
Monsoon, although lovely, I would still consider to be "High Street".

Therev is a shop in Cannock called Celebrity which is mainly Prom outfits but they did have some lovely wedding outfits...mind you this was a few years ago and I havent been in since. Eccleshall has lovely one off shops too but very pricy.
 
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