Theo is on the set of the new Thor movie. She is waiting for her Valkyrie costume. The costume designer keeps talking about her wort. Theo suggests visiting her GP to freeze it off. Theo’s press officer reminds her that wearing a face mask is advisable. Theo reminds her press officer that Asgardians are almost immortal. Her press officer reminds her that this isn’t Valhalla, and not to mention the tax hike on small independent breweries that will see many of them have to close. Theo reluctantly accepts a sample of 1Hop from the costume designer, and takes a tentative sip. She could murder a decent pint of Top Totty from Westminster instead of this northern swill.
Theo is desperate to get her left hand on Mjölnir‘s shaft. She would have used both hands but has replaced her right arm with a flat whisk. She is going to make some lemon curd cupcakes for a dinner party using a recipe she found on the internet for Children in Need.
Theo notices the floor is wet. She wonders if the River Sandon has burst its banks again. Theo regrets packing her houndstooth tweed jacket instead of her Odin waterproof. She hopes the water will stop escaping once new houses are built on the flood plains and/or the river is redirected into the North Sea. Theo’s press officer reminds her that Stafford is in the Midlands. Theo is getting bored of waiting for her Valkyrie costume. The costume designer is now talking about her kegs. Theo doesn’t want to know. In a moment of pure adrenaline she picks up Thor’s hammer and pretends to throw it like the God of Thunder. Unfortunately, she slips on the wet floor and it flies out of her hand. Theo and her press officer watch as the ambulance leaves for Stafford A&E. Theo’s press officer is grateful that this has happened between 8am and 10pm. Fortunately, the costume designer will be OK, but it will take a while to extract Mjölnir‘s shaft from her nostril.
Theo spots a large auction house nearby. She loves a bit of Flog It and the Antiques Roadshow. She also likes Fiona Bruce’s quiz show on a Thursday night where the audience ask the questions. Her press officer reminds her that the building is Katherine House Hospice Big Shop. Theo is advised not to have a photo shoot here as some of the visitors are clearly on Universal Credit or from Poland (or both). There is also the small matter of redundancies due to a cut in funding that could look awkward on her Twitter feed. Theo’s press officer suggests she makes a start on those cupcakes instead.
Theo has a busy schedule later in the week with some photo shoots around the newly opened Victoria Park following its £2.5 million revamp. Theo thinks it would be a wonderful idea to speak to the people who love the park so much that they sleep there overnight. Theo’s press officer sighs and ushers her into a greenhouse. Her press officer is also hoping that she won’t want to talk to the adults on Wildwood Park failing to observe appropriate dog walking etiquette, or the gang of happy laughing hooded children with the silver canisters.
Theo is still waiting for the day when she can escape the wild wet north more quickly. She doesn’t understand why some of the residents in Hopton don’t share Michael Portillo’s love of trains.
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