gon2seed
(and me! - Ed)
This post could have gone in the Poem thread, or the Rant thread and I couldn't decide, so I started a new one.
By Buzz Crap I mean all those terrible phrases and buzz words that have polluted management vocabulary.
We play Buzzword Bingo at work when a particular manager comes to touch base with the workers!
We all have a card with buzzwords on them and we tick them off as they trip off his tongue, the winner scoops all the 50ps we put in. One slack b*gger even shouted house when he'd filled his card! We all p*ssed ourselves and the manger just looked bemused. I think the deluded sod thinks we are all diligently making notes about his monologues!
Anyway in 2000 when I worked for the NHS I got so p*ssed off with this form of verbal terrorism and wrote the poem beneath. Nothing seems to have changed, if anything it's got worse!
Buzz Crap
If your struggling to be heard, no one listens to you,
take a tip from me, here’s what you do.
Learn the words in italics in the verse below,
get yourself to a meeting and off you go!
It doesn’t matter when you use them ‘cause they don’t mean much,
you can be a member, this is club “Double Dutchâ€
You can cog wheel at the club, or try touching base,
it’s synergistic and proactive at this coal face.
Develop helicopter vision, learn knowledge management,
we’re a learning organisation for your empowerment
No need to down size, out source, or re-engineer,
This is the verbal future, our 20:20 vision’s clear.
Get on the bus or your going to miss out,
‘cause this is what being clever is all about,
So if a win win, early win, ongoing situation,
sounds to you like complete obfuscation,
basically, you’d better bottom it, tease it out,
or your chances of promotion are well and truly up the spout.
You’d better find your base line, benchmark and standard set,
is your oral quality assurance not sorted yet.
Develop an under pinned, over arching, multi-agency approach,
become a stakeholder at the club and we’ll provide the coach.
Add value to your career and buy-in to the dream,
for if you learn the language you can join our work stream.
These intellectual property rights are only for the few,
if you play your cards right they could be for you.
Don’t be a car parked loser without an exit strategy,
be a holistic purveyor of buzz crap just like me.
The spur for starting this thread was the frequent use, over the last few days, of the phrase "elphant in the room" on, and in, the media. It is obviously the current phrase, so get out there and work it into your intercourse, so to speak!
By Buzz Crap I mean all those terrible phrases and buzz words that have polluted management vocabulary.
We play Buzzword Bingo at work when a particular manager comes to touch base with the workers!
We all have a card with buzzwords on them and we tick them off as they trip off his tongue, the winner scoops all the 50ps we put in. One slack b*gger even shouted house when he'd filled his card! We all p*ssed ourselves and the manger just looked bemused. I think the deluded sod thinks we are all diligently making notes about his monologues!
Anyway in 2000 when I worked for the NHS I got so p*ssed off with this form of verbal terrorism and wrote the poem beneath. Nothing seems to have changed, if anything it's got worse!
Buzz Crap
If your struggling to be heard, no one listens to you,
take a tip from me, here’s what you do.
Learn the words in italics in the verse below,
get yourself to a meeting and off you go!
It doesn’t matter when you use them ‘cause they don’t mean much,
you can be a member, this is club “Double Dutchâ€
You can cog wheel at the club, or try touching base,
it’s synergistic and proactive at this coal face.
Develop helicopter vision, learn knowledge management,
we’re a learning organisation for your empowerment
No need to down size, out source, or re-engineer,
This is the verbal future, our 20:20 vision’s clear.
Get on the bus or your going to miss out,
‘cause this is what being clever is all about,
So if a win win, early win, ongoing situation,
sounds to you like complete obfuscation,
basically, you’d better bottom it, tease it out,
or your chances of promotion are well and truly up the spout.
You’d better find your base line, benchmark and standard set,
is your oral quality assurance not sorted yet.
Develop an under pinned, over arching, multi-agency approach,
become a stakeholder at the club and we’ll provide the coach.
Add value to your career and buy-in to the dream,
for if you learn the language you can join our work stream.
These intellectual property rights are only for the few,
if you play your cards right they could be for you.
Don’t be a car parked loser without an exit strategy,
be a holistic purveyor of buzz crap just like me.
The spur for starting this thread was the frequent use, over the last few days, of the phrase "elphant in the room" on, and in, the media. It is obviously the current phrase, so get out there and work it into your intercourse, so to speak!
