Coronavirus.

Mikinton

Mikinton

Well-Known Forumite
https://twitter.com/AndrejNkv/status/1235920594186706944

I am the model of a Twitter epidemiologist
I didn't study medicine but read online and got the gist
I know all that there is to know about the current pathogen
Including the location of the Chinese lab they grew it in...

I don’t believe in washing hands - it’s a Big Soap conspiracy
I didn’t vaccinate my kids cos they’ve got herd immunity
And even now I’m coughing blood and oozing from a fetid cyst
I’m still the model of a Twitter epidemiologist

I make important statements all about the need to isolate
While always making sure I have sufficient food to fill my plate.
I do not worry overmuch about the fate of pensioners
Coz if they die, it will reduce the long term need for social care.

I’ve got a thousand toilet rolls, not left my house since Christmas Eve
cover myself in alcogel if some one near should do a sneeze
I’ll be first to rat on neighbours if they dare to break a quarantine,
will resort to actual violence for the final tub of margarine.

I'm queuing up at casualty to see a doctor soon as poss..
They said I shouldn't be here but I really couldn't give a toss
I'm coughing and I'm sneezing and I really am not feeling well
But since Ocado's out I have to come down here to steal hand gel.

I’m very well acquainted too with matters mathematical
I understand equations exponential & quadratical
About R0 infection rates I’m teeming with a lot of news
Which I tweet out in pearls of wisdom that the world cannot refuse

I'm constantly expounding on the likelihood statistical
That individually you and I are at no risk at all
If you ignore the others and the need for herd immunity
Then you and I can touch each other's faces with impunity.
 
BobClay

BobClay

Well-Known Forumite
Utilization of existing circumstance ..... :eek:

coronavirus.jpg
 
The Hawk

The Hawk

Well-Known Forumite
BobClay said:
There was a guy on the TV last night who assured us that alcohol killed the Coronavirus stone dead. I'M SAVED, I'M SAVED !!!

(One of those little sods gets into me ... I'll just lean back, take another swig ... and say 'Suck on that you little f***** !!' ) :pint:
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I've been wandering through my vast wine cellar (OK, kitchen cupboard), moving all the most expensive bottles to the top of my drinking list, on the basis that if this virus is going to get me, then the wine goes before I do.
 
staffordjas

staffordjas

Well-Known Forumite
BobClay said:
There was a guy on the TV last night who assured us that alcohol killed the Coronavirus stone dead. I'M SAVED, I'M SAVED !!!

(One of those little sods gets into me ... I'll just lean back, take another swig ... and say 'Suck on that you little f***** !!' ) :pint:
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Looks like others saw that guy on TV last night as well , causing a rush on the Coronavirus killer alcohol.... Son went to buy booze earlier for his works 'do' pre-drinks party at his house tonight....sent photos of completely empty booze shelves in nearby Tesco Superstore. Hope he got some driving around searching elsewhere!

Think I'd better replenish my cider stocks daily to keep them topped up!
 
BobClay

BobClay

Well-Known Forumite
As a joke I went into Sainsbury's and asked if there'd been a rush on Corona Pop (some of you might not remember that.) They didn't laugh but confiscated all my bog rolls and hand sanitisers that I'd filled my trolley with then threw me out.

Humourless bastards. :P
 
staffordjas

staffordjas

Well-Known Forumite
Withnail

Withnail

Well-Known Forumite
BobClay said:
As a joke I went into Sainsbury's and asked if there'd been a rush on Corona Pop (some of you might not remember that.) They didn't laugh but confiscated all my bog rolls and hand sanitisers that I'd filled my trolley with then threw me out.

Humourless bastards. :P
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Ha ha, love it...
 
Perrier

Perrier

Banned
BobClay said:
As a joke I went into Sainsbury's and asked if there'd been a rush on Corona Pop (some of you might not remember that.) They didn't laugh but confiscated all my bog rolls and hand sanitisers that I'd filled my trolley with then threw me out.

Humourless bastards. :P
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yea , then they would have put it all in the reduced goods section for the staff to buy cheaper and use the staff discount as well.

greedy bastards too ;)
 
M

MilleD

Well-Known Forumite
So the Health Minister has been tested positive and ignored her own government's advice to self isolate when symptoms first showed. Which was last Thursday, before she mingled with all and sundry at some daft shindig for international women's day or something.

There's no hope for anyone else if she can't follow the advice given :rolleyes:
 
Cue

Cue

Well-Known Forumite
MilleD said:
So the Health Minister has been tested positive and ignored her own government's advice to self isolate when symptoms first showed. Which was last Thursday, before she mingled with all and sundry at some daft shindig for international women's day or something.

There's no hope for anyone else if she can't follow the advice given :rolleyes:
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If we’re lucky she’s been in close contact with the upper members of the cabinet
 
tek-monkey

tek-monkey

wanna see my snake?
MilleD said:
So the Health Minister has been tested positive and ignored her own government's advice to self isolate when symptoms first showed. Which was last Thursday, before she mingled with all and sundry at some daft shindig for international women's day or something.

There's no hope for anyone else if she can't follow the advice given :rolleyes:
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The thing I love about a virus is that it doesn't care about money or 'power'.
 
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