YorkshirePud
Well-Known Forumite
As Rishi Sunak wades into the debate, how exactly do you load a dishwasher?
The Prime Minister and his wife have talked about their domestic duties at home.
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Mudgie
Well-Known Forumite
Maybe then he should seek a job in the hospitality sector later this year.As Rishi Sunak wades into the debate, how exactly do you load a dishwasher?
The Prime Minister and his wife have talked about their domestic duties at home.www.independent.co.uk
Glam
Mad Cat Woman
SCOTTISH 'Three Kick Rule'
A Glasgow lawyer went duck hunting in rural Aberdeenshire . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.."
The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Scotland and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Mintlaw. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom..
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear.
When you're intelligent, you know which half.
A Glasgow lawyer went duck hunting in rural Aberdeenshire . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.."
The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Scotland and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Mintlaw. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom..
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear.
When you're intelligent, you know which half.
Glam
Mad Cat Woman
Englishman: "That your Dog"..??
Welshman: "Aye".
Englishman: "Mind if I Speak to him"..??
Welshman: "Dog don't Talk.”
Englishman: Hey Dog, how's it going"..??
Dog: "Doing All Right, Thanks".
Welshman: (Look of Shock).
Englishman: Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing at the Welshman).
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: How's He Treating You"..??
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of Total Disbelief).
Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Horse"..??
Welshman: "Horse Don't Talk”.
Englishman: "Hey Horse how's it Going"..??
Horse: "Cool, Thanks".
Welshman: (Extreme Look of Shock).
Englishman: "Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing to the Welshman).
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's He Treating You"..??
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he Rides me, Brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice Stable to protect me from the Weather."
Welshman: (Now a Look of Total Amazement).
Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Sheep"..??
*
Welshman: "That Sheep's a bloody Liar”..
Welshman: "Aye".
Englishman: "Mind if I Speak to him"..??
Welshman: "Dog don't Talk.”
Englishman: Hey Dog, how's it going"..??
Dog: "Doing All Right, Thanks".
Welshman: (Look of Shock).
Englishman: Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing at the Welshman).
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: How's He Treating You"..??
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of Total Disbelief).
Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Horse"..??
Welshman: "Horse Don't Talk”.
Englishman: "Hey Horse how's it Going"..??
Horse: "Cool, Thanks".
Welshman: (Extreme Look of Shock).
Englishman: "Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing to the Welshman).
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's He Treating You"..??
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he Rides me, Brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice Stable to protect me from the Weather."
Welshman: (Now a Look of Total Amazement).
Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Sheep"..??
*
Welshman: "That Sheep's a bloody Liar”..
Glam
Mad Cat Woman
Teacher: “Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?”
Little Johnny: “None.”
Teacher: “Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?”
Little Johnny: “None.”
Teacher: “Can you explain that answer?”
Little Johnny: “One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left.”
Teacher: “Well, that isn’t the correct answer, but I like the way you think”
Little Johnny: “Teacher, can I ask a question?”
Teacher: “Sure.”
Little Johnny: “There are three women at the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?”
Teacher: “The one sucking the cone.”
Little Johnny; “No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think
Little Johnny: “None.”
Teacher: “Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?”
Little Johnny: “None.”
Teacher: “Can you explain that answer?”
Little Johnny: “One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left.”
Teacher: “Well, that isn’t the correct answer, but I like the way you think”
Little Johnny: “Teacher, can I ask a question?”
Teacher: “Sure.”
Little Johnny: “There are three women at the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?”
Teacher: “The one sucking the cone.”
Little Johnny; “No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think