Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)

Studio Tan

Well-Known Forumite
knee.jpg
 

Glam

Mad Cat Woman
Nicked off Farcebook ---

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note
Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
 

Mudgie

Well-Known Forumite
Nicked off Farcebook ---

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note
Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
But did he go as a toffee apple ?
 

Thehooperman

Well-Known Forumite
Mention of Schrödinger in another thread reminded me of this one.

Schrödinger takes his cat to the vets and the vet says "well Mr Schrödinger I have good news and I have bad news".
 

BobClay

Well-Known Forumite
If you're not a 'Game of Thrones' fan you might not get this. But here puss is standing in for Diana Rigg. :)

KittyCersei.jpg
 

Studio Tan

Well-Known Forumite
When I was a youngster I remember one of the ‘grown ups’ recounting the following joke at a family get together. I didn’t understand it at the time.

Question: What’s the fastest thing on two wheels ?
Answer: An arab riding through Golders Green on a bicycle.
 

BobClay

Well-Known Forumite
OH NO !!! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum with a one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! :o

Nigerian.jpg
 

BobClay

Well-Known Forumite
I like to think I only tell classy jokes.
Uh umm.

An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop with a couple of torn togas.
"Euripides," says the tailor.
"Yeah. Eumenides ?" replies the man.


Mmmmmmmm ... I think I'll run for the woods.
 
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