Today I Heard.....

That-Crazy-Rat-Lady

Well-Known Forumite
Stealing the idea from 'Today I Saw' Thread!
Recently I've overheard some pretty funny things....
(Or maybe they're 'You had to be there moments')

But go on what have you overheard recently?
 

That-Crazy-Rat-Lady

Well-Known Forumite
To start us off I give you a polish bus driver to a lady who forgot her purse:

*Polish Accent* 'No worries everybody have blondie moment!'


And also I give you Chav at Banger Racing:

'Thet queue's longer than my dick..... an my dicks pretty f***ing long!!'
 

AA Silencers

Well-Known Forumite
The other week in the chip shop I over heard the English Language being woven with silken poetic grace by a couple of 'ladies'. The one lady finished her enthusiastic rant with the words 'it aint rocket surgery is it'. No my dear, more like Brain Science I would suggest.
 

Gramaisc

Forum O. G.
..as I was cycling, almost silently, along Gaol Road, a rather posh-looking couple in their sixties - they clearly thought that there was nobody about and he let off a most impressive and particularly raspy fart, which fairly echoed off the prison walls. She punched him in disgust - and probably again, and somewhat harder, after I had shouted "Excellent!"..

Nearly fell off my bike.
 

Gramaisc

Forum O. G.
.. the announcer on Radio 3 say "And we'll be playing quite a bit more from Bieber later on in the programme."

Turned out to really be "Biber"....
 

Jade-clothing

Well-Known Forumite
Two women on the bus this morning -

First woman - is he out yet?
Second woman - dunno if its today or Monday but if he doesn't ring me before 12 he's history
First woman - but what if he's not out till Monday
Second woman = I'll ring 'em...................... 'ello Duck - can you tell me if you release prisoners on Christmas Eve?
 

proactive

Enjoying a drop of red.
Two women on the bus this morning -

First woman - is he out yet?
Second woman - dunno if its today or Monday but if he doesn't ring me before 12 he's history
First woman - but what if he's not out till Monday
Second woman = I'll ring 'em...................... 'ello Duck - can you tell me if you release prisoners on Christmas Eve?
Classy...
 

Gramaisc

Forum O. G.
...the rise and fall of a siren in the distance. I slowed down and checked my mirrors - nothing, except the exasperation of the van driver behind - nothing daunted, I continued to observe carefully, especially at each junction, in case I could spot the approaching emergency vehicle and create some additional lee-way. The siren continued and the van driver became more and more annoyed at my delaying tactics.

Then, I realised that the 'siren-like noise' was actually coming from the van's almost terminally worn alternator bearing...
 

Jade-clothing

Well-Known Forumite
two old ladies in the Soup Kitchen this morning discussing why they were in town today .
first old dear .... ' I decided to treat myself to a new pair of scissors '
second old dear ......'oooo I don't blame you duck '
if I ever get to the stage where I consider a pair of scissors a treat I think I would be ready to give up.
 

Carole

Well-Known Forumite
two old ladies in the Soup Kitchen this morning discussing why they were in town today .
first old dear .... ' I decided to treat myself to a new pair of scissors '
second old dear ......'oooo I don't blame you duck '
if I ever get to the stage where I consider a pair of scissors a treat I think I would be ready to give up.

Funny you should say that Jade

I went into town to buy some pinking scissors but came back without when I realised that a decent pair would cost me £30.

So, one day I may decide to "treat myself" and then it may be me you are overhearing.

But twenty years ago I never thought I would get excited over a pair of scissors either.
 
Top