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Disciplining ur child in public

Discussion in 'Children and Family' started by Alee, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. Alee

    Alee Well-Known Forumite

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    Just latly I seem to be seeing a lot of parents discipline there children in public pretty harshly. Is the no smacking rule wearing off or something?
    Just two days I was on a carpark and heard screaming and shouting , thought there was a fight going on. A man was screaming and shouting at his son, must have been about 8, he slapped him across the face and was dragging him off his bike swearing at him. Fair enough I didn't see what the boy had done wrong. The screaming and swearing continued around the large garden centre and I later saw the boy hiding in a corner of shop cryin his eyes out. I felt so sorry for him!
    Obviously everyone disaplines their children differently. When i was a child i used to get whipped with a belt and hit with various other objects, I was terrified. Fair enough i survived but I'd never hit my children.I woudn't want them to be scared of me.
    What bothers me the most is that if a parent can scream , shout , swear and slap their child in public in front of a whole carpark of people , what do they do behind closed doors?what sort of role model are they?
     
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  3. wmrcomputers

    wmrcomputers Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist

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    It's always a tough subject this one. AFAIK the "no smacking" rule was never actually a "no smacking" rule at all. People just daren't risk it anymore. The law (again correct me if I am wrong) states something about using "reasonable chastisement" when disciplining children. There are just no clear outlines about what this does or doesn't allow, but many believe it to mean that a smack on a childs leg etc is okay as long as it doesn't leave a lasting mark, or cause bruising etc.

    As a child, I was smacked a few times... and looking back I know that I bloody deserved it!! It wasn't a regular thing. It didn't need to be. One smack and I daren't do anything wrong for another month or two at least. It didn't do me any harm and I respect my parents for the way that I was raised. These days you hear children saying "You're not allowed to smack me" and verbally abusing their parents in public thinking it's funny because they can get away with it. And this helps children to grow up more respectable... how, exactly?

    It's more a case of personal opinions. In mine, his fatrher had no right to slap his son around the face and that was very wrong of him. I also think your parent was wrong for using a belt - a slap on the leg should have suficed no matter what you had done. Again, just my opinion! However despite what i THINK, look back at your own behaviour and ask yourself did you deserve a smack? Has it affected who you are today? If so, in a good way or a bad way? If you hadn't received those smacks might you have gone into adult life different to the person you are today? Personally for me, I have THANKED my parents for the smacks I received as a kid. I've not to turned out perfect, but one thing I do have is respect for my elders, respect for other peoples property, a reasonably good manners. Without a smack would this be who I am today?.... Not a chance! I'm quite certain I would not have the same level of respect for others.

    Different strokes for different folks hun - but I do agree that smacking his child in the face in public isn't likely to do his child (or himself) any favours at all. These days with how kids rely on technology so much I find it's much easier to hit them where it hurts - remove the mobile phone, xbox, laptop etc. Without those even your average 8 year old will feel like their life has ended! lol
     
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  4. Alee

    Alee Well-Known Forumite

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    I used to get hit for the smallest of things , like not eating sprouts on Xmas dinner for example. So I don't think it was warranted. I do however think I was a wel behaved child because I knew what would happen if I was naughty :-D.
     
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  5. wmrcomputers

    wmrcomputers Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist

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    Agreed :)

    It's definitely a subject that people don't like discussing openly. The fact that this thread began 6 and a half hours ago yet only I have responded sort of shows that people feel awkward to voice opinions on it. I suppose they are scared that their opinion could start an up-roar if they give an opinion that people don't agree with.

    I certainly don't condone a father smacking his son around the face, but I do openly admit that a smack never did me any harm! Personally if my kids refuse to eat dinner, then it goes in the dog bowl and the next night they think twice before moaning about what they are given. Of course, they are given ample opportunities to eat it first and this is a last resort - but with 5 children we can't be demanded to cook different meals for fussy eaters. Like it or lump it is my motto! However we obviously rotate their favourites to keep it fair between them - but it's impossible to please them all at the same time. Not too bad now that 3 of them are getting older, as we can give them the option to make themselves something if they don't like what we are cooking for the others. At least that way they are learning some basic cookery and independance skills at the same time. ;)
     
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  6. tek-monkey

    tek-monkey wanna see my snake?

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    Gotta agree with the above, pandering to their whims will leave you with children that expect everything on their terms and they'll expect it immediately. If you want to be a slave to your children that is your decision, but when people do this and then moan about their kids behaviour I have a huge urge to slap them round the face and point out they have created this situation for themselves! Such kids are also unlikely to leave home until late in life, at least permanently, as the idea of cleaning up after themselves or cooking their own food is abhorrent.

    Mind you I don't have kids, just as well because if I had any of my own they sure as **** wouldn't be allowed to act like I see a lot of kids acting today. I'm in town most days, and on most of those days I see at least one kid treating their parent in a way that would result in a slap from me. But you do it to yourself, most of it is learned behaviour. Kids push boundaries to see what they can get away with, its how they work out their place in society and how all social animals work. If you can't enforce a strict but fair pattern of discipline for your child then expect them to act up. One person who shall not be named has kids that treat her like **** yet are absolute angels when they are with their father, because they know where they stand with him and seem to enjoy it more than their unstructured time with their mother.

    What really galls me is how many parents try to blame teachers for their own inadequacies at breeding. I know the whole nature vs nurture debate has never been proven but both sides are on the parents, are you a genetic failure or just a bad person?

    Rant over, remind me never to have kids!
     
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  7. Gramaisc

    Gramaisc Forum O. G.

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    There is a 'school effect' - I went to ten schools and chose to retain my status as an outsider at most of them - each place had its own 'culture', or lack of it...
     
  8. shoes

    shoes Well-Known Forumite

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    The youth act like hooligans - it's down to no discipline.
    See someone disciplining their child - that's soooooo wrong.

    Damned if you do, damned if you don't .
     
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  9. Alee

    Alee Well-Known Forumite

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    I agree that children should be disaplined , just think that some parents take it a bit too far like slapping in the face and swearing. I think it also depends on the age of child too . It's illegal to smack a child under the age of 3 , but it's fine if they are 4 ?imo that's just teaching a 4 year old that it's ok to hit another child if they are being naughty
     
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  10. Gramaisc

    Gramaisc Forum O. G.

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    Some years ago, when this was a hot subject, there was some government activity about it and some poor party apparatchik was sent onto the Today programme to expound upon the subject, having been suitably briefed in all relevant aspects that he might be questioned on.

    Unfortunately, nobody had thought of the first question that he was actually asked - "Do you hit your kids?" - poor chap couldn't say 'Yes' and he couldn't say 'No' - total silence for seconds - and it just went downhill from there...

    Great question - by Winifred Robinson, as I recall.
     
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  11. tek-monkey

    tek-monkey wanna see my snake?

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    That's just chav parents, until we introduce a breeding license I'm afraid we're stuck with a lot of them.
     
  12. My Name is URL

    My Name is URL Well-Known Forumite

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    When growing up, I always received the occasional smack for being naughty and was very much of the mind of

    "thats the reason there's no respect in society today, because kids know you can't touch them.... well when I have kids they'll get a smack if they step out of line, it never did me any harm...."

    However my wife was a staunch "you don't smack kids" mindset and we clashed on this to be honest....

    However when my wife's sister had a little one and they were strictly 'no smacking' and I saw how they brought her up and disciplined her without ever smacking her, I saw the other side of the coin but still wasn't converted....

    Then one day whilst waiting for a flight in the airport I was stood behind a family with a little boy and little girl. The little boy was obviously bored / restless - who isn't waiting in an airport for a flight - and after being told not to do something (climbing on some railings I think it was) and still doing it, the dad laid into him and the poor little boy cried his eyes out. I felt really sorry for the boy and felt angry at the dad that the only way he could convince him not to do something was to hit him.....

    After that day I knew that smacking kids isn't right and I will never do it. A grown adult should never need to hit a child, that they love FFS, to convince it not to do something... what sort of example does it set to the kid.... its the adult losing control of the situation and its terrible. Just because I will never smack my child though, doesn't mean for one second that my child will be spoilt or lack discipline, I will just find other, non-violent ways to discipline them... she will be taught to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly person (just as I would myself), she will be taught manners and to say please and thank you, she will learn to notice "the look" from her parents and she will know that when she gets "the look" that she needs to change her behaviour....

    Incidentally on the same holiday on the flight back we were sat behind three women, one with her child, another woman was the grandmother and a third woman..... the women looked like something out of TOWIE or the Liverpool equivalent.... big bleach blonde hairon the mother and grandmother, hundreds obviously spend on clothes and long manicured nails and masses of nasty jewlery.... anyway the child was visibly upset and couldn't stop crying whether from the air pressure, boredom, being confined to his mothers knee (didn't have his own seat) or whatever...... anyway the mother and grandmother took to holding their fists against the childs face with them effing and jeffing that if he didn't shut up he would get a whack.... i felt so sorry for him and had we not been sat on a plane, I would have been calling the police.... anyway 20 minutes away from landing and the child finally quietened down and was nodding off and the mother and grandmother were shaking and agitating the child saying "if you don't let us sleep then you're not going to sleep now"......

    It makes my heart bleed that any child could be treated like that.... its mental torture.
     
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  13. Gramaisc

    Gramaisc Forum O. G.

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    It's a very difficult area to legislate for.

    If you hit your kids, then is it OK for somebody else to hit them?

    At what sort of age do they become non-hittable?

    Etc....

    Lots of difficult questions.
     
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  14. flossietoo

    flossietoo Well-Known Forumite

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    I was smacked but never in public. If I misbehaved at all in public (remembering that there existed comparatively few places where a child was seen outside the family. Certainly not pubs or restaurants. So basically we are talking the market, the Brine Baths, or Sunnysands in Barmouth) my mother would simply smile and take my hand.

    Then she would squeeze it, really hard.

    I knew I had one chance to stop whatever it was I was doing, or be in really big trouble when we got home.

    Frankly, I'm not sure I am a good advertisement for strict parenting. I've spent most of my adult life doing all the things I wasn't allowed to do as a child. Fortunately, perhaps, I just wanted to stay up late, make a mess, not wear an anorak that people laughed at, grow my hair and have a dog.
     
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  15. stoofer34

    stoofer34 Well-Known Forumite

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    Fairly normal then?
    S
     
  16. flossietoo

    flossietoo Well-Known Forumite

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    Exactly. If they'd only have left me alone I would probably be living in an immaculate home now. I'd no doubt be going to bed at a sensible time, too. Instead, I sit under a pile of sleeping spaniels, looking for a late night crime drama on the tv.
     
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  17. stoofer34

    stoofer34 Well-Known Forumite

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    Drinking Chocolate and Slippers?

    S
     
  18. flossietoo

    flossietoo Well-Known Forumite

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    Exactly!
     
  19. wmrcomputers

    wmrcomputers Stafford PC & laptop repair specialist

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    @My name is URL.... I do agree with most of what you have said. I'd never condone those levels of mental torture, but then there are different levels of discipline within the "smacking" category. I simple smack on the leg never hurt me, but then I deserved it when it happened whereas I realise there are many that don't and lesser punishments suffice.

    I knew many parents who used a regular smack years ago, and also others that chose to just be firm voiced. In over 50% of those cases I now find that the smacked children have grown up into much more respectable adults than the ones that were never smacked at all. As I originally said, it really is a tough topic. No doubt we all have different views (opinions) to which we are entitled - but I think that the bottom line really is that discipline methods are down to parents own choices providing that the discipline is A. Necessary in the first place, B. Fair for the level of misbehaviour and C. Respectful of the law.

    Plenty of times I've seen situations where children have been rude or disrespectful to members of the public and watched as their parents LAUGH about the situation. In circumstances like that I think we've all muttered "little buggers deserve a clip around the ear-ole". Every child is different. Every parent is different. Every family is different.
     

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