I love to hear stories containing shit, they are so real you have to laugh. I was dating a girl when i lived in ireland, i was about 17 and used to catch the bus for the hour and a half journey every friday night after work, to her house in Armagh. She had 3 sisters and we all got on really well. They were having a bbq one weekend and i was excited cos in belfast we never ever had a BBQ, this was 20 years ago. Anyway I had been bustin for a shit the whole way up on the bus and managed to clench my cheeks and hold it in. My belly was sore, with all them internal explosions going on and gas building up, i was literally burping fart gas on the back of the bus.
When the bus stopped i ran to her house, her sister opened the door and i shot upstairs to the bog. I unzipped and unwrapped everything and lowered my ass onto the bog. It was heaven, shit in all shapes and sizes was flying out, watery shits, wee rabbit poos and the odd fat sausage type. The smell nearly knocked me out so i opened the window for some air.
I was horrified to discover there was no loo roll in the bathroom and looked around for a towel (ive been here before) but there wasn't even a facecloth. So as a problem solver, I took off my santa claus boxers and cleaned my dripping ass and without thinking, I chucked them out the back window.
Then i heard the clinking of glasses and realised that the family were all out in the back garden, what made it worse was her mum bought me those boxers for Christmas. I sneaked downstairs and let myself out and ran back to get the bus. Never saw her again..
Brilliant.
