Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas

[Birdies_best_mate]

Posted on the MSE forum and proving quite popular

Nothing to do with me by the way


http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4944035


My wife needs to lose a good 5-6 stone in weight. She knows it and has been saying she's going to do it since the beginning of last year.

Problem is that she's still saying she's going to do 16 months later but if anything she's put weight on.

After multiple false starts with Weight Watchers and Slimming World she decided that she didn't like them for some reason, so she decided to buy fitness DVD's and do some exercise at home on her days off. She bought 3 of them at the beginning of the year. So far only one has been removed from its packaging and it was on for a matter of minutes before she turned it off saying she couldn't do it. If I've suggested opening the others and trying them or selling them to someone who actually intends to use them she's mumbled something about her doing them sometime so she doesn't want to get rid of them.

I've tried the calorie counting thing with her (it's worked well for me as I lost 3 stone and am now down to my goal weight but I know it's not for everyone) but she can't keep track of it and refuses to write things down. She says it's too complicated to remember what she's eaten during the day. I keep a running total in my head and find it very easy but she says she can't do that.

Last night I decided to see if a shock to the system might work so I asked her to go and try on her swimming cossy seeing as we're going on holiday in two months time. She could barely squeeze into it. I asked her to go and stand infront of a mirror and see what she was going to look like in two months time on the beach if she didn't start to do something about it. That seemed to have the desired effect for about 30 mins as she said she was motivated again. Then I found her snacking on biscuits in the kitchen. Apparantly she was stressed out so she was comfort eating. She said she wanted a takeaway. I told her I didn't want one so she sulked for the rest of the night and I later found her snacking on chocolate in our bedroom.

Am I right in thinking I shouldn't be pushing it any more? It seems the more I mention it the less she wants to do it. I know she can do it if she really wants to as she managed to lose 50+ lbs for our wedding (nearly 11 years ago) but has slowly been piling it back on ever since.

Maybe she just doesn't want to lose the weight?

5

 

[henryscat]

Whoever it is should not push it any more . First and foremost she has to want to lose the weight. There may well be issues about how she feels about herself that are a barrier to losing weight and likely needs to tackle those first through counselling.

 

[andy w]

Although I'm no expert but I've found small steps are the way forward.
In my twenties I lived too much of the good life - drinking most nights followed by takeaways, going for meals out etc. - and got overweight and unfit. The problem is you get self conscious of your shape and aware of struggling to exercise.
I realised how much junk I was eating. I was taking two chocolate bars and a bag of crisps with my sandwiches every day to work and then buy another packet of crisps at lunch and another chocolate bar in the afternoon. That was every day so that was 10 packs of crisps and 15 chocolate bars a week at work alone let alone what I was eating at home. So instead of taking junk to work I took apples and oranges with my sandwiches to work. I also told the wife not to buy any junk from the supermarket as if it isn't in the house then you can't pick at it.
When I started swimming I found I struggled to do more than two lengths without being out of breath. So therefore I made sure I had enough rest before the next 2 and as time went on I would do 2 then 3 then 2 before building it up to the next stage.
Many people who are unfit see lycra clad runners and think to themselves I could never do that but they need to understand having a walk will be just as much benefit.

 

[Mikinton]

Yup .... Not buying the stuff in the first place is a good start, which means that both of them should be on the same diet, sharing the pain.

 

[Withnail]

...they need to understand having a walk will be just as much benefit.

I'm a firm believer that it will be more so - running puts too much stress on the mainframe.

These bones were made for walking, and that's what you should do.

One of these days these bones are going to etc...

 

[Birdies_best_mate]

Lost a stone and a half since september. I dont do diets i just go to the university gym 5 times a week

 

[Withnail]

Lost a stone and a half since september. I dont do diets i just go to the university gym 5 times a week

As andyw quite rightly points out, the whole gym/running/lycra-based-activity scene is not the best way 'in' for someone already 'out of the loop', sort of thing.

Everyone can walk, and indeed everyone actually has to walk at least a little bit every day. It's a much easier task to encourage people to walk a bit further than they would ordinarily do than it is to get them to do something entirely different.

Then they should, obviously, get a bike.

 

[andy w]

Just doing more everyday things burns calories and gets the metabolism going.
I remember reading about how some cleaners were weighed and half were told that their jobs would help them lose weight and the other half weren't told. After 2 weeks they were weighed again and sure enough only those who had been told were the ones to lose weight. The cleaning company must have been pleased that their workers were doing a more thorough jobs (!) but it shows how exercise can be gotten from a number of sources

 

[Alee]

Swap food for a low fat / diet option. I lost loads of weight a few years back just by swapping Pepsi for the diet version. It's disgusting how many calories is in the regular coke/ Pepsi. You need to change your lifestyle to keep the weight off

 

[Mikinton]

Swap food for a low fat / diet option. I lost loads of weight a few years back just by swapping Pepsi for the diet version. It's disgusting how many calories is in the regular coke/ Pepsi. You need to change your lifestyle to keep the weight off

Funnily enough, I did the opposite - I stopped taking canderel in my tea and coffee and went back to 2 spoons of sugar instead - and lost weight.

About 12 months ago, I decided I needed to lose a bit of weight - I was 14/6 at the time and as well as wanting to get a bit trimmer for the summer, I thought I'd 'share the pain' with the missus who also wanted to lose a bit of weight. By September I'd lost about a stone and stayed at that weight during the autumn rising to 13/9 (13/10 at weekends) which is where I am now.

I changed my diet in several ways, with the overriding strategy being to enjoy what I was eating and to not go hungry. So

Breakfast : Large bowl of cornflakes and milk ---> 2 Weetabix and a lot less milk
Morning snack : A handful of peanuts ---> a few cherry tomatoes ---> nothing as I no longer need a snack to get through to lunch*
Weekday Lunch : A Tomato roll and an apple ---> Greggs (ASDA/Tesco) chicken sandwich or BLT
Evening Meal : Balance of Potatoes/Meat/Veg or Curry/Rice or Spag Bol ---> No carbs but a larger meat portion and much larger veg/salad portion.
Weekend Lunch : Sandwich ---> Tomato/Cucumber/Pepper/Salami Salad

The first 3 above haven't changed, though the latter 2 have reverted back. So the plan for the summer is to get more salads down my neck at weekend lunches and evening meals.

Drinks - I have one cup of tea or coffee per day (2 sugars) and get through about 2 pints of beer a week. This hasn't changed.

Anyway, watch this space ......

* - I put the fact that I no longer need a snack at 11:15 down to me not having canderel in my coffee at 10:00. I don't know why - someone probably told me.

 

[John Marwood]

 

[Noah]

... No carbs but a larger meat portion and much larger veg/salad portion.

I saw the dietician at the local doctor's surgery. Had to fill in the usual food diary & hand it in before my appointment. When she saw me she said through gritted teeth "I think we need to decrease the amount of fruit & vegetables you eat and increase the carbohydrate."

Losing weight is no problem, its putting it back on that is the trouble.

 

[John Marwood]

One has little chance of a fair and reasoned supply of good information on food and drink when one realises that two thirds of the House of Commons are connected financially in one way or another to the most powerful lobby group in Europe, the food and drink lobby

Corn Oil - The destroyer of mankind

 

[Withnail]

A very interesting study that i'm sure Mr M has obliquely referred to for many years has pointed out one very important aspect of human behaviour - vis. 'twitchiness'

I'll look for it later but the essence of it was that a control group of x amount of 'specimens' were locked into a campus facility for (was it?) a week - all were given the exact same amount of calorie uptake whilst not being given any opportunity to exercise over the lifetime of the experiment. All subjects were in a small room and all their movements were recorded on camera.

It was thought that given that everyone had the same calorific intake as the next, and no one had more exercise than the rest, that everyone should gain or lose the same weight as the rest.

It turned out that weight gain/loss varied hugely (in the context of the measured calorific intake of the experiment), the reason being that those that fidgeted lost weight whilst those that didn't, didn't.

Now i know that i am a fidgety mf - i tip-tappety-tip-tap with fingers, toes, hands, feet almost all the time...

it shows how exercise can be gotten from a number of sources...