Ask Aunt Fanny

M

Mrs M

Well-Known Forumite
This is just a bit of fun,

As a know it all, a been there done that person, even got the T shirt( but it shrunk in the wash). I am here to solve all of your problems. If you can't get it up, can't get it down, have a drink problem, sex problem, relationship problem, I must have been there, so I know I will have an answer ( I think). Just post your question to this page.

PS please don't take offence at my answers it's only a bit of fun.



Admin edit: thread moved as per user's request :)
 
gon2seed

gon2seed

(and me! - Ed)
Dear labcm, I keep getting approached by women who want me to put on my uniform, and act all macho.

I am actually a shy, "new man" type of fella, totally in touch with my femenine side, and also happily married. How can I let these hoards of admirers down gently?

PS I need to know before tomorrow night!

PPS Despite being an un macho fireman I could also do with the same sort of advice for letting down the hoards of admiring fellas!
 
M

mizbee

Newbie
Aunty Fanny, i had a question all sorted out, and was going to be honest with my feelings...then i was the above post about the 'un macho fireman' and all sorts of questions came into my head...if he's happily married where do these hoards of admiring fellas come from??
he has obviously got the internet, so why doesnt he google 'a shy, "new man" type of fella, totally in touch with my femenine side, and also happily married.
PPS Despite being an un macho fireman I could also do with the same sort of advice for letting down the hoards of admiring fellas!
ppps and put feminine spelt corectly, bet you're kicking your ass now gon2seed!!!
 
M

Mrs M

Well-Known Forumite
for gon2seed
Well, from what I've heard about you, your far from 'shy' and at the age of 44 your hardly a new man. If your in touch with any sort of feminine side then you should maybe start practising your show songs. You should be letting your wife down gently and making new friends and using your uniform to your advantage, ever seen the ymca video
 
M

Mrs M

Well-Known Forumite
Mizbee,

It's obvious, gone2seed is dildelusional, he is happily married but has hoards of admiring fellas cos he's in denial and a big poof.he's a window cleaner who thinks because he has a ladder he's a fireman. You too are in a dream world, I've met you and if you think you got hoards of admiring fellas then you'd better pinch yourself and wake up
 
R

ritaritanothingsweeta

A few posts under my belt
I am 40, a family man and have been a smoker for much of my life but my wife and friends and the family, all of whom are non smokers, keep saying I should give it up. I think it is my right to smoke if I want to and nothing to do with anyone else. I've already cut down since it has been outlawed in public places. What do you think.
 
N

neil

Well-Known Forumite
I have a long standing problem - an ecomony variety pack of biscuits purchased from Asda, contains a pack of what are called 'Bourbon Creams', shaped, as their name suggests, like Custard Creams.

Bourbons are one of my favourites and I am stickler for the standard 61mm x 23mm biscuits over the 48 x 35 'Creams'.

But this the dilemma - the Creams have a surface area of 1680 sq mm (per layer) whilst the classic finger shapes have a measly 1403 sq mm! And they don't snap as easily when you dunk them.

Shall I forget the Fingers and only buy the Creams from now on?
 
gon2seed

gon2seed

(and me! - Ed)
mizbee said:
bet you're kicking your ass now gon2seed!!!
Click to expand...
At my age this is physically impossible, but I would try if I had the slightest idea what you were on about. OK I may have included the odd spelling mistake, but gross gramatical errors?

Do not seek to remove the speck of sawdust from your brothers eye, when you have a plank in your own! ;)

I dunno!... you try to reply to an obviously comic post in the spirit in which it was intended, and ... :)
 
M

Mrs M

Well-Known Forumite
ritaritanothingsweeta said:
I am 40, a family man and have been a smoker for much of my life but my wife and friends and the family, all of whom are non smokers, keep saying I should give it up. I think it is my right to smoke if I want to and nothing to do with anyone else. I've already cut down since it has been outlawed in public places. What do you think.
Click to expand...
Quite right Rita, it's nobody's business but yours and until they outlaw smoking completely, what does it matter if you do kill yourself before your time. That is your right. If you want to leave your children before they grow up that's your decision. So what if you lose the use of your legs from bad circulation. There's always amputation. Oxygen is relatively cheap and you can get canisters on wheels these days. Cancer? Who dies of cancer these days. Alright so you are 10 times more likley to get a heart attack but so what. You get killed crossing the road. Good luck with the future Rita, knock yourself out.
 
M

Mrs M

Well-Known Forumite
neil said:
I have a long standing problem - an ecomony variety pack of biscuits purchased from Asda, contains a pack of what are called 'Bourbon Creams', shaped, as their name suggests, like Custard Creams.

Bourbons are one of my favourites and I am stickler for the standard 61mm x 23mm biscuits over the 48 x 35 'Creams'.

But this the dilemma - the Creams have a surface area of 1680 sq mm (per layer) whilst the classic finger shapes have a measly 1403 sq mm! And they don't snap as easily when you dunk them.

Shall I forget the Fingers and only buy the Creams from now on?
Click to expand...
Who gives a Sh*t, Get a life!
 
gon2seed

gon2seed

(and me! - Ed)
Dear labcm, I just don't understand the female of the species! I recently squeezed myself into a conversation my wife and her mates were having about size zero. I proferred the opinion that people are much too size obsessed, and that anyway I found many women who might be considered plus size very attractive in. I sat back expecting my enlightened views to be congratulated, prepared to bask in the warmth of praise from the group. Imagine my horror when they rounded on me, some doubting my sincerity, and one even referred to me as "not normal".

If I get slightly hot under the collar at the sight of a Fern Brittonesque femme fatal am I abnormal? does it make me a chubby chaser? if so is there a cure? and if so where can I get it?

I enclose a picture of the Venerable Mrs Seed to show that I am not a plus size obsessed freak.

Yours in anticipation

gon2
http://delivery.viewimages.com/xv/7...9B259AB992A04CCE22DD6D7B538570EE9450E36772CCE
 
M

Mrs M

Well-Known Forumite
In answer to Gone2seeds question,

There is always some bloke telling me "You know, I usually am not attracted to BIG WOMEN but it is something about you!!".....or I get "Hey! I just love a big woman! You feel so cuddly and soft!" Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I hardly ever hear men go up to skinny women and say "you know, I just love the way your collar bone and rib cage protrudes from under your skin...sex with you is like sleeping with a twelve year old boy..and your lack of breast tissue is so sexy to me!" In my opinion, your wife and mates need to get a hobby, skinny women are so vein. You on the other hand should stand proud. Theres nowt wrong with a chubby chaser. Although god help you if you had to rescue me with a firemans lift from the second floor .
 
Alan B'Stard

Alan B'Stard

Well-Known Forumite
Aunt Fanny, for some years I have happily been sharing my internet connection with my best friend, I would use it for email, research, dowloading music and all sorts of productive things, whilst the old fella would use it to look at pictures of naked young ladies, you know, the sort he knew he could never meet. My problem is that since I discovered www.staffordforum.com I seem to be spending more & more of his time at this site leaving little for his pleasures. He has stopped talking to me, does not behave as he should do when needs be, and is most quiet and unresponsive these days, I believe he has let himself go somewhat, and is now most flaccid, with little interest in exercise. What should I do, I enjoy the forum a great deal but my mate's sullen behaviour is quite distressing, I don't want to give into him, but we have to live together, please help, he is becoming unbearable.
 
D

delilah

A few posts under my belt
neil said:
I have a long standing problem - an ecomony variety pack of biscuits purchased from Asda, contains a pack of what are called 'Bourbon Creams', shaped, as their name suggests, like Custard Creams.

Bourbons are one of my favourites and I am stickler for the standard 61mm x 23mm biscuits over the 48 x 35 'Creams'.

But this the dilemma - the Creams have a surface area of 1680 sq mm (per layer) whilst the classic finger shapes have a measly 1403 sq mm! And they don't snap as easily when you dunk them.

Shall I forget the Fingers and only buy the Creams from now on?
Click to expand...
Niel my friend. It may be tough but you must embrace change and adapt to the ever changing world in which we live. If a larger surface area on your biscuit aids your dunking potential, then you must accept it.
 
M

Mrs M

Well-Known Forumite
Colin Grigson wrote;


Aunt Fanny, for some years I have happily been sharing my internet connection with my best friend, I would use it for email, research, dowloading music and all sorts of productive things, whilst the old fella would use it to look at pictures of naked young ladies, you know, the sort he knew he could never meet. My problem is that since I discovered www.staffordforum.com I seem to be spending more & more of his time at this site leaving little for his pleasures. He has stopped talking to me, does not behave as he should do when needs be, and is most quiet and unresponsive these days, I believe he has let himself go somewhat, and is now most flaccid, with little interest in exercise. What should I do, I enjoy the forum a great deal but my mate's sullen behaviour is quite distressing, I don't want to give into him, but we have to live together, please help, he is becoming unbearable.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I've just been talking to Uncle Fanny and he says it's quite uncanny because his friend does not get much excersise anymore either and it also is due to me spending too much time on Stafford Forum. As a matter of fact he just said his friend is hoping for a powercut as it will probably be the only way he gets some excise. My advice to you is spend some time with your friend, morning may be the best time. Take him in hand but don't rub him up the wrong way. Perhaps you should get him something to read or maybe a video woul be a good idea as the video could be on whilst you are on the forum. Mr Fanny says men and motors is good after 10pm. This should sort you out a bit, you droopydicked stafford forum geek.



Admin edit: cleaned it up a little ;)
 
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