AA Silencers - Automotive garage & repairs in Stafford
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The Forum's Favourite Poems

Discussion in 'Entertainment' started by Withnail, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. Tilly

    Tilly Well-Known Forumite

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    You're just a natural born beehive
    Filled with honey to the top
    Well I ain't greedy baby
    All I want is all you got, no no no
    Baby, I ain't askin' much of you
    Just a big-a big-a hunk o' love will do
     
  2. Noah

    Noah Well-Known Forumite

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    Part 1 - there is apparently a 10,000 character limit on postings.

    Dearest creature in creation
    Studying English pronunciation,
    I will teach you in my verse
    Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

    I will keep you, Susy, busy,
    Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
    Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
    Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

    Pray, console your loving poet,
    Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
    Just compare heart, hear and heard,
    Dies and diet, lord and word.

    Sword and sward, retain and Britain
    (Mind the latter how it's written).
    Made has not the sound of bade,
    Say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid.

    Now I surely will not plague you
    With such words as vague and ague,
    But be careful how you speak,
    Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,

    Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
    Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
    Woven, oven, how and low,
    Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

    Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
    Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
    Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
    Missiles, similes, reviles.

    Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
    Same, examining, but mining,
    Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
    Solar, mica, war and far.

    From "desire": desirable-admirable from "admire",
    Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
    Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,
    Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

    One, anemone, Balmoral,
    Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
    Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
    Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

    Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
    Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
    This phonetic labyrinth
    Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

    Have you ever yet endeavoured
    To pronounce revered and severed,
    Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
    Peter, petrol and patrol?

    Billet does not end like ballet;
    Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
    Blood and flood are not like food,
    Nor is mould like should and would.

    Banquet is not nearly parquet,
    Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
    Discount, viscount, load and broad,
    Toward, to forward, to reward,

    Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
    Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
    Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
    Friend and fiend, alive and live.

    Is your r correct in higher?
    Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
    Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
    Buoyant, minute, but minute.

    Say abscission with precision,
    Now: position and transition;
    Would it tally with my rhyme
    If I mentioned paradigm?

    Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
    But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
    Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
    Rabies, but lullabies.

    Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
    Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
    You'll envelop lists, I hope,
    In a linen envelope.

    Would you like some more? You'll have it!
    Affidavit, David, davit.
    To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
    Does not sound like Czech but ache.

    Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
    Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
    We say hallowed, but allowed,
    People, leopard, towed but vowed.

    Mark the difference, moreover,
    Between mover, plover, Dover.
    Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
    Chalice, but police and lice,

    Camel, constable, unstable,
    Principle, disciple, label.
    Petal, penal, and canal,
    Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

    Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
    Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
    But it is not hard to tell
    Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

    Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
    Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
    Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
    Senator, spectator, mayor,

    Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
    Has the a of drachm and hammer.
    Pussy, hussy and possess,
    Desert, but desert, address.

    Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
    Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
    Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
    Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

    "Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker",
    Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor",
    Making, it is sad but true,
    In bravado, much ado.

    Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
    Neither does devour with clangour.
    Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
    Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

    to be continued
     
  3. Noah

    Noah Well-Known Forumite

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    Part 2

    Arsenic, specific, scenic,
    Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
    Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
    Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

    Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
    Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
    Mind! Meandering but mean,
    Valentine and magazine.

    And I bet you, dear, a penny,
    You say mani-(fold) like many,
    Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
    Tier (one who ties), but tier.

    Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
    Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
    Prison, bison, treasure trove,
    Treason, hover, cover, cove,

    Perseverance, severance. Ribald
    Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.
    Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
    Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

    Don't be down, my own, but rough it,
    And distinguish buffet, buffet;
    Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
    Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

    Say in sounds correct and sterling
    Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
    Evil, devil, mezzotint,
    Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)

    Now you need not pay attention
    To such sounds as I don't mention,
    Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
    Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

    Nor are proper names included,
    Though I often heard, as you did,
    Funny rhymes to unicorn,
    Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

    No, my maiden, coy and comely,
    I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.
    No. Yet Froude compared with proud
    Is no better than McLeod.

    But mind trivial and vial,
    Tripod, menial, denial,
    Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
    Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

    Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
    May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
    But you're not supposed to say
    Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

    Had this invalid invalid
    Worthless documents? How pallid,
    How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
    When for Portsmouth I had booked!

    Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
    Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
    Episodes, antipodes,
    Acquiesce, and obsequies.

    Please don't monkey with the geyser,
    Don't peel 'taters with my razor,
    Rather say in accents pure:
    Nature, stature and mature.

    Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
    Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
    Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
    Wan, sedan and artisan.

    The th will surely trouble you
    More than r, ch or w.
    Say then these phonetic gems:
    Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

    Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
    There are more but I forget 'em-
    Wait! I've got it: Anthony,
    Lighten your anxiety.

    The archaic word albeit
    Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
    With and forthwith, one has voice,
    One has not, you make your choice.

    Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;
    Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
    Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
    Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

    Hero, heron, query, very,
    Parry, tarry fury, bury,
    Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
    Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

    Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
    Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
    Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
    Puisne, truism, use, to use?

    Though the difference seems little,
    We say actual, but victual,
    Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
    Put, nut, granite, and unite.

    Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
    Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
    Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
    Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

    Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
    Science, conscience, scientific;
    Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
    Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

    Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
    Next omit, which differs from it
    Bona fide, alibi
    Gyrate, dowry and awry.

    Sea, idea, guinea, area,
    Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
    Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
    Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

    Compare alien with Italian,
    Dandelion with battalion,
    Rally with ally; yea, ye,
    Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

    Say aver, but ever, fever,
    Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
    Never guess-it is not safe,
    We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

    Starry, granary, canary,
    Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
    Face, but preface, then grimace,
    Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

    Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
    Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
    Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
    Do not rhyme with here but heir.

    Mind the o of off and often
    Which may be pronounced as orphan,
    With the sound of saw and sauce;
    Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

    Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
    Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
    Respite, spite, consent, resent.
    Liable, but Parliament.

    Seven is right, but so is even,
    Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
    Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
    Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

    A of valour, vapid vapour,
    S of news (compare newspaper),
    G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
    I of antichrist and grist,

    Differ like diverse and divers,
    Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
    Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
    Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

    Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
    Is a paling, stout and spiky.
    Won't it make you lose your wits
    Writing groats and saying "grits"?

    It's a dark abyss or tunnel
    Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
    Islington, and Isle of Wight,
    Housewife, verdict and indict.

    Don't you think so, reader, rather,
    Saying lather, bather, father?
    Finally, which rhymes with enough,
    Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??

    Hiccough has the sound of sup...
    My advice is: GIVE IT UP!

    Gerard Nolst Trenité - The Chaos (1922)
     
  4. Tilly

    Tilly Well-Known Forumite

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    Has he been dead for a hunded years?
     
  5. Noah

    Noah Well-Known Forumite

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    No
     
  6. Tilly

    Tilly Well-Known Forumite

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    Oh dear
     
  7. Noah

    Noah Well-Known Forumite

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    Will 73 do?
     
  8. Gramaisc

    Gramaisc Forum O. G.

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    Who is in charge of the clattering train?
    The axles creak, and the couplings strain.
    Ten minutes behind at the Junction. Yes!
    And we're twenty now to the bad—no less!
    We must make it up on our flight to town.
    Clatter and crash! That's the last train down,
    Flashing by with a steamy trail.
    Pile on the fuel! We must not fail.
    At every mile we a minute must gain!
    Who is in charge of the clattering train?

    E J Milliken

    Dead for 121 years.
     
    1JKz likes this.
  9. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

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    There does come a time in a seafarers’ life when he has to go hunt for the whale.
    Not always a Moby, just a task to be done.
    Part of life’s challenge. A chase ? or a run ?
    But one thing's for sure when you’re acting this tale.
    There’s no room for error. It’s the whale, or fail.
     
  10. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

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    Previous post was me … and to quote a movie line: "I aint no poet."

    But this is one of my favourites:

    "UNDER the wide and starry sky
    Dig the grave and let me lie:
    Glad did I live and gladly die,
    And I laid me down with a will.

    This be the verse you 'grave for me:
    Here he lies where he long'd to be;
    Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
    And the hunter home from the hill."

    Not a philosopher, not a scientist, not a priest, but a story teller, which I'll admit is all of the above ... and then some. Robert Louis Stevenson. His own epitaph, written for himself when he died out in the South Pacific before he'd reached the age of 50. Awesomely beautiful.
     
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  11. Withnail

    Withnail Well-Known Forumite

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    I told you i was ill
     
  12. age'd parent

    age'd parent 50,000th poster!

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    It's not the cough
    that carries you off,
    it's the coffin
    they carry you off in.
     
  13. 1JKz

    1JKz Well-Known Forumite

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    In the year 2525
    If man is still alive
    If woman can survive
    They may find

    In the year 3535
    Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
    Everything you think, do, or say
    Is in the pill you took today

    In the year 4545
    Ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes
    You won't find a thing to do
    Nobody's gonna look at you

    In the year 5555
    Your arms are hanging limp at your sides
    Your legs not nothing to do
    Some machine is doing that for you

    In the year 6565
    Ain't gonna need no husband, won't need no wife
    You'll pick your son, pick your daughter too
    From the bottom of a long black tube

    In the year 7510
    If God's a-comin' he ought to make it by then
    Maybe he'll look around himself and say
    Guess it's time for the Judgement day

    In the year 8510
    God's gonna shake his mighty head
    He'll either say I'm pleased where man has been
    Or tear it down and start again

    In the year 9595
    I'm kinda wondering if man's gonna be alive
    He's taken everything this old earth can give
    And he ain't put back nothing

    Now it's been 10,000 years
    Man has cried a billion tears
    For what he never knew
    Now man's reign is through
    But through the eternal night
    The twinkling of starlight
    So very far away
    Maybe it's only yesterday

    In the year 2525
    If man is still alive
    If woman can survive
    They may find

    In the year 3535
    Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
    Everything you think, do or say
    Is in the pill you took today

    Zager and Evans.
     
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  14. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

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    I remember this being a hit. Looking at the dates I'd say it's now become a bit optimistic. That the human race will still be around in in 500 years is starting to look optimistic to me.
     
  15. 1JKz

    1JKz Well-Known Forumite

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    For a few years i've put us at 200 years left but then up'd it to 1000 but more 500 now, looks about right.
    Just hoping we go extinct before we make everything else extinct, before our time is up.

    WAKE UP_2018-11-10-08-24-26-1.jpg



    ...but anyway what a poem (song really!), Ian Brown did a crackin remake of it, if you haven't heard it, then do.
     
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  16. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

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    “That is the way the world ends.
    Not with a bang but a whimper.”
    T. S. Elliot
     

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