I went to wolverhampton road surgery to ask about help conceiving as me and my husband have been trying for years. To cut a long story short I was disgusted at the way I was treated. I am overweight and have been since they put me on steroids years ago to help my hair grow back (which didn't work anyway) Im now size 22 and no matter what I do I can't lose weight. I eat healthy and exercise daily. Basically I was told I was going to die by the time I was 30 iv probably got diabetes and high blood pressure. Which I have been tested for and I'm fine! The final straw was and I quote "fat people don't have children!" I mean wtf... I know people larger than me who have kids naturally so why won't they help me!, my answer is that I pay the same tax and ni as anyone else so if I'm too fat for treatment I'm too fat to pay my taxes and ni. What do you think? Is it right to stop a person having kids because they are too fat?
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too fat for treatment?
- Thread starter bexley18
- Start date
anomalyaos
Well-Known Forumite
i was size 22 when i got pregnant my daughter is 4 months old now but i did get some stick about my weight ....
I think its disgusting the way they spoke to you and if it were me id make an official complaint, being over weight does give an increased chance of pre eclampsia so i was told when i was pregnant and towards the end i struggled with her because she was a big baby and id gotten gestational diabetes and high blood pressure (which have both gone now ) i had an emergency c section because they sent her into distress by trying to induce me however i have a beautiful girl now who is healthy and happy. i think doctors are generally rude towards bigger women who want babies as my friends have experienced this too . are they not even willing to give you a fertility test? we just tried a few of the 'wives tales' and it worked for us first time
I think its disgusting the way they spoke to you and if it were me id make an official complaint, being over weight does give an increased chance of pre eclampsia so i was told when i was pregnant and towards the end i struggled with her because she was a big baby and id gotten gestational diabetes and high blood pressure (which have both gone now ) i had an emergency c section because they sent her into distress by trying to induce me however i have a beautiful girl now who is healthy and happy. i think doctors are generally rude towards bigger women who want babies as my friends have experienced this too . are they not even willing to give you a fertility test? we just tried a few of the 'wives tales' and it worked for us first time
zebidee
Well-Known Forumite
I have the inclination that they don't want to accompanying complications that come with larger mothers i.e. the diabetes and high blood pressure, chances of pre-ecl. (p.s. the diabetes/high bp argument isn't necessarily about pre-conception, these things happen during pregnancy)
According to their rules things like that need more monitoring, consultant care etc. These things cost more for them to keep tabs on and cost more if things go wrong. For example, the cost of doing a c-sec is really high too, which can often happen with pre-ec cases I believe?
What it comes down to is them trying to reduce the risks in order to reduce their costs but they frame it in order to lay the guilt in the hands of the mother. They can *normally* deal with complications in pregnancy and birth, but if they can avoid it then I imagine they will try their best to guilt you into changing.
For you, bexley, I imagine they have all these things in mind and don't want to start you down that route without trying to make you conform in the first place. PM me which Dr you saw!!
*going to duck and cover now before I get flamed from all sides*
According to their rules things like that need more monitoring, consultant care etc. These things cost more for them to keep tabs on and cost more if things go wrong. For example, the cost of doing a c-sec is really high too, which can often happen with pre-ec cases I believe?
What it comes down to is them trying to reduce the risks in order to reduce their costs but they frame it in order to lay the guilt in the hands of the mother. They can *normally* deal with complications in pregnancy and birth, but if they can avoid it then I imagine they will try their best to guilt you into changing.
For you, bexley, I imagine they have all these things in mind and don't want to start you down that route without trying to make you conform in the first place. PM me which Dr you saw!!
*going to duck and cover now before I get flamed from all sides*
The way you were treated was disgraceful however it does bring up the subject of what exactly is the NHS for?
This is a subject that urgently needs addressing in my opinion.
When the NHS was set up it was designed for life threatening and emergency treatment but over the years has evolved to try and cover every eventuality and has failed quite badly to do so.
With the economis climate as it is maybe now is the time to go back to basics?
This doesn't excuse the way you were treated and I feel you should make an official complaint.
This is a subject that urgently needs addressing in my opinion.
When the NHS was set up it was designed for life threatening and emergency treatment but over the years has evolved to try and cover every eventuality and has failed quite badly to do so.
With the economis climate as it is maybe now is the time to go back to basics?
This doesn't excuse the way you were treated and I feel you should make an official complaint.
proactive
Enjoying a drop of red.
No,it wasn't. The original aim wasHetairoi said:
That strikes me as being pretty comprehensive in its aims for the health of the populus. Whether it is affordable or desireable or not in the modern age is another matter altogether and not for discussion in this thread IMO.
bexley18, I think you were treated very badly and should consider making a formal complaint about your doctor.
Thanks all. I'm glad I'm not the only one who was disgusted. The first thing she said was how old am I? I told her and she just said oh well its probably chlamidya I was so offended to presume that because I am young it must be down to an Sti! I did the test and it was negative and yet she still treated me like it was my fault I can't have kids. I do have polycystic overies and they haven't even got me on treatment for that. Iv looked it up and I could try metformin but they won't even consider it till I lose 7 stone!
ATJ
Well-Known Forumite
I also use Wolv Road surgery and have problems in the past with one of the doctors there who just seems to assume that any problem that anyone goes in with can be solved by them losing weight, including stress and white coat hypertension.
If it's the particular Dr I think it is, she's been like that for years and it isn't helped by her general bluntness.
If it's the particular Dr I think it is, she's been like that for years and it isn't helped by her general bluntness.
henryscat
Well-Known Forumite
Generally speaking, nature stops people having kids, not the NHS. A more fundamental question - is having children a right? My view (and no doubt some might think it harsh) is no it isn't.bexley18 said:
Being obese and pregnant puts both you and the baby at risk. You can choose to take a risk, an unborn child can't - is it fair to inflict that risk?
From what you've said, it would appear that the doctor thinks that weight loss is possible and it doesn't seem an unreasonable stance for them to take. Something doesn't quite compute with apparently "eating healthy and exercising" and then mentioning being at least 7 stone overweight.
BananaMonkey
A few posts under my belt
Well, think of it like this: If you're way overweight then not only is your health at risk, but your child's. It makes perfect sense for a doctor to advice you on loosing some weight before thinking about having a child. Simply because it's better for your health and also your child's. If anything were to go wrong with you being overweight then the risks associated with surgery go up considerably.
Eating healthy food doesn't equate to being healthier. Eating too much of anything is unhealthy and if you're not burning off your daily intake with enough exercise then you're not going to loose any weight. Anyone that says they eat healthy and exercising regularly but still remain overweight are either a) not exercising hard enough, or b) eating too much. It's as simple as that unfortunately.
Eating healthy food doesn't equate to being healthier. Eating too much of anything is unhealthy and if you're not burning off your daily intake with enough exercise then you're not going to loose any weight. Anyone that says they eat healthy and exercising regularly but still remain overweight are either a) not exercising hard enough, or b) eating too much. It's as simple as that unfortunately.
I understand what your saying but if u weren't able to have children maybe you would think differently! I do eat healthy and exercise alot. It makes it harder for me to lose weight due to the polycystic overies although I am certainly not using that as an excuse. Iv been to see a dietition and did a food diary and even weighed my portions. Even she said that there is no problem with the food or the portions. I'm annoyed because not only will they not help until iv lost 7 stone but they won't help me lose weight.
BananaMonkey
A few posts under my belt
What's your exercise routine? You might want to look at hiring a personal trainer at the gym, it doesn't add up that you've been given a proper diet plan and that you exercise but unable to loose any weight. The whole situation is obviously having an affect on you psychologically so you may think you're doing enough to help but in reality you're not. It's horrible that health care doesn't help more, but it's a harsh reality. You're responsible for you at the end of the day.bexley18 said:
I was over weight and had diet plans, they helped with my food intake etc.. but it didn't shift the weight. You have to really get a good exercise routine down and stick to it, no slacking. Hence going down the personal trainer rout. 90% of the people I've met who have been overweight all say they've "tried diets, done exercise and nothing works" but really, they've not tried hard enough. Just think of the long term effects it could have on your body, not just now. You could have serious health problems cropping up in the future.
Gadget
Well-Known Forumite
I've pm'd you hun i too have polycystic ovaries, you've probably tried them all but you never know i could have some tips you haven't yet I've definately been in your shoes so i can totally sympathise. Please pardon the reference Shoes lol. They won't consider me for metformin either or any other kind of treatment, in fact when i asked for treatment here my gp had to look up what it was grrrr. I'm not getting into the whole debate thingy about kids because..well i'm just not. You have however been treated badly and no one can deny that whether the dr thinks they were in the right or not.
Anyway i've pm'd you else i could be here all day ranting about g.p's weight and P.C.O.S and lack of interest/help.
I will say one thing though, it's all very well folk saying losing weight is simple just put more effort in. It is not all that easy for some folk. A diet you can have the pounds drop off for you, could make someone else, especially with PCOS pile the weight on. Please don't be so quick to just assume that a person who is overweight, isn't trying hard enough.
G x
I've definately been in your shoes so i can totally sympathise. Please pardon the reference Shoes lol. They won't consider me for metformin either or any other kind of treatment, in fact when i asked for treatment here my gp had to look up what it was grrrr. I'm not getting into the whole debate thingy about kids because..well i'm just not. You have however been treated badly and no one can deny that whether the dr thinks they were in the right or not.Anyway i've pm'd you else i could be here all day ranting about g.p's weight and P.C.O.S and lack of interest/help.
I will say one thing though, it's all very well folk saying losing weight is simple just put more effort in. It is not all that easy for some folk. A diet you can have the pounds drop off for you, could make someone else, especially with PCOS pile the weight on. Please don't be so quick to just assume that a person who is overweight, isn't trying hard enough.
G x
And would make an excellent subject for a new thread, but please do not derail bexley18's by asking the question here.Hetairoi said:
If anyone wishes to answer Hetairoi's point, and they haven't got round to making a new thread, then please make one of your own. Keep bexley18's thread on-topic, thanks.