Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)

[jimbob23]

Tenshon, post that one about the penguin whose car breaks down. I love that joke.

 

[TENSHON]

Tenshon, post that one about the penguin whose car breaks down. I love that joke.

???? I would if i knew it.

 

[jimbob23]

???? I would if i knew it.

I'm sure you're the first one who sent it to me, although I've heard it loads of times since. As has everyone else, probably. Except you, it seems. Perhaps best not to bother.

 

[TENSHON]

???? I would if i knew it.

I'm sure you're the first one who sent it to me, although I've heard it loads of times since. As has everyone else, probably. Except you, it seems. Perhaps best not to bother.

I have got the memory of a... what was the question? something to do with a penguin joke?

 

[TENSHON]

here's one...
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "we don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom replies, "what's the problem? I'm a fun guy."

 

[db]

Tenshon, post that one about the penguin whose car breaks down. I love that joke.

???? I would if i knew it.

A penguin, bored with the Antarctic weather, was on holiday driving through outback Australia when he started hearing a strange knocking sound from the car’s engine. Knowing how dangerous it would be for a polar sea-bird to be stuck in the middle of the desert, he quickly pulled into the next service-station.

The mechanic took a quick look at the car, and said "Mate, it’ll take me a few minutes to find out what’s going on," so the penguin nipped into the shop and bought an ice-cream. Unfortunately, the hot sun was melting the ice-cream, and penguin flippers not being the most dextrous of limbs, he got as much ice-cream on his face as he did in his mouth.

Rather annoyed now, the penguin went back to the mechanic to see what was wrong. The mechanic looked at the penguin for a moment, and shook his head.

"Mate, I’m sorry, but it looks like you’ve blown a seal."

"No, no," replied the penguin, "It’s only ice-cream!"

 

[TENSHON]

A young man called Andreas Rex calls directory enquiries. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Jimbob in London."
"There are multiple listings for Jimbob in London," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
Andreas hesitates and says, "Well, on the quadrant they call me the King of Castletown."

 

[TENSHON]

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

 

[cookie_monster]

A young man called Andreas Rex calls directory enquiries. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Jimbob in London."
"There are multiple listings for Jimbob in London," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
Andreas hesitates and says, "Well, on the quadrant they call me the King of Castletown."

fooking genius!!!!!!

andreas has his own personal joke! i want one too!


x

 

[BBC]

A young man called Andreas Rex calls directory enquiries. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Jimbob in London."
"There are multiple listings for Jimbob in London," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
Andreas hesitates and says, "Well, on the quadrant they call me the King of Castletown."

Ahem, I think you will find Andreas' 'king of castletown' delusion is self titled. He knows who the real king is....

 

[Andreas Rex]

A young man called Andreas Rex calls directory enquiries. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Jimbob in London."
"There are multiple listings for Jimbob in London," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
Andreas hesitates and says, "Well, on the quadrant they call me the King of Castletown."

fooking genius!!!!!!

andreas has his own personal joke! i want one too!


x

I feel very special

 

[jimbob23]

Tenshon, post that one about the penguin whose car breaks down. I love that joke.

???? I would if i knew it.

A penguin, bored with the Antarctic weather, was on holiday driving through outback Australia when he started hearing a strange knocking sound from the car’s engine. Knowing how dangerous it would be for a polar sea-bird to be stuck in the middle of the desert, he quickly pulled into the next service-station.

The mechanic took a quick look at the car, and said "Mate, it’ll take me a few minutes to find out what’s going on," so the penguin nipped into the shop and bought an ice-cream. Unfortunately, the hot sun was melting the ice-cream, and penguin flippers not being the most dextrous of limbs, he got as much ice-cream on his face as he did in his mouth.

Rather annoyed now, the penguin went back to the mechanic to see what was wrong. The mechanic looked at the penguin for a moment, and shook his head.

"Mate, I’m sorry, but it looks like you’ve blown a seal."

"No, no," replied the penguin, "It’s only ice-cream!"

Hehehe, yeah that's the one. Love that joke.

 

[BBC]

I tell a similar joke where an eskimo is on a driving holiday in wales. He breaks down in a valley and a local farmer stops to assist. After fumbling around under the bonnet, with steam pouring everywhere, the farmer pops his head up and says 'I think you've blown a seal'. To which the eskimo retorts 'At least I don't shag sheep'.

 

[BBC]

Little JOHNNY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"
JOHNNY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little JOHNNY, that's a mouthful."
Little JOHNNY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

 

[cookie_monster]

A boss wondered why his computer technician, one of his most valued employees had not arrived at work & had not phoned in sick either. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave! a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME".

 

[TENSHON]

TRUE STORY - U2 CONCERT

U2 were recently performing in Glasgow, and in the middle of a particularly rousing version of Beautiful Day they stopped playing as Bono started clapping very slowly. He kept this up for over a minute whilst just staring at the audience. Eventually he said in an earnest voice... "Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa". "Stop clapping then, you chuff!" came the reply from a member of the audience.

 

[BBC]

TRUE STORY - U2 CONCERT

U2 were recently performing in Glasgow, and in the middle of a particularly rousing version of Beautiful Day they stopped playing as Bono started clapping very slowly. He kept this up for over a minute whilst just staring at the audience. Eventually he said in an earnest voice... "Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa". "Stop clapping then, you chuff!" came the reply from a member of the audience.

ABSOLUTE GENIUS!

 

[db]

TRUE STORY - U2 CONCERT

U2 were recently performing in Glasgow, and in the middle of a particularly rousing version of Beautiful Day they stopped playing as Bono started clapping very slowly. He kept this up for over a minute whilst just staring at the audience. Eventually he said in an earnest voice... "Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa". "Stop clapping then, you swine!" came the reply from a member of the audience.

lol i hope that's true.. that'll learn him, the hippie..

 

[TENSHON]

yep very true indeed. picked it up on PA news wire.

 

[jimbob23]

Footie joke:

The District Line is suspended until further notice due to a points failure at Upton Park.