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Today I Heard.....
- Thread starter That-Crazy-Rat-Lady
- Start date
John Marwood
I ♥ cryptic crosswords
that the windscreen wipers failed at Stoke
gilbert grape
Well-Known Forumite
In the gym the other day and anybody in earshot would've heard me and another chap have a brief coversation -
Him - How ya doing?
Me - Fine ta mate. You?
Him - Yeah, It's just a short one tonight but it's better than nothing (referring to the session)
Pause
Me - I've said that a few times!
Him - How ya doing?
Me - Fine ta mate. You?
Him - Yeah, It's just a short one tonight but it's better than nothing (referring to the session)
Pause
Me - I've said that a few times!
Gramaisc
Forum O. G.
..the following..
Me - I didn't expect you to be in today.
Elderly Lady - I've got to be here, Social Services are sending a man out to me today.
M - Oh? What's he doing?
EL - He's going to fit me a bar in the cupboard under the stairs.
Silence.
Then I realised that she has a downstairs toilet under the stairs and he's going to be fitting a grab-handle for her.
..but, I've still told all her mates that's she's got a bloke round there now and he's putting a bar in the cupboard under the stairs..
Me - I didn't expect you to be in today.
Elderly Lady - I've got to be here, Social Services are sending a man out to me today.
M - Oh? What's he doing?
EL - He's going to fit me a bar in the cupboard under the stairs.
Silence.
Then I realised that she has a downstairs toilet under the stairs and he's going to be fitting a grab-handle for her.
..but, I've still told all her mates that's she's got a bloke round there now and he's putting a bar in the cupboard under the stairs..
littleme
250,000th poster!
Hahaha! This made me laugh, this afternoon I had the strangest /slightly similar conversation with my stepmother (in her 70's, very old fashioned, would only go to a pub for a meal & never without my father)......we were talking about places to have coffee in town with friends...
S.M - I like that place in town near to Neros
Me - You mean Costa?
S.M - No, the nice coffee shop near to Neros
Me - There isn't another coffee shop near to Neros
S.M - *Sigh* Not Neros, not the shoe shop next door, but the coffee shop next to the shoe shop!
Me - The PUB! The Butlers Bell, used to be Yates's.. ..Its a pub!
S.M - No, its a coffee shop, I have coffee there.
Me - *laughing hystericly* Your friends have been dragging you off to THE PUB! Grandma's been sat in the pub all day!!!
Oh dear......she was mortified!
littleme
250,000th poster!
She calls it 'the bottom of town', which confuses me as being from that end, I call the other (cinema) end the bottom of town, there's no way on earth I'm suggesting she calls it that!!! (it would go over her head(hopefully) anyway!)
Carole
Well-Known Forumite
Yes the Marks and Spencer end is the top end of town and the cinema is the bottom end.
Always work from North to South.
John Marwood
I ♥ cryptic crosswords
Uptown Top Ranking
Downtown Train
Althea, Donna, Tom and Petula
Downtown Train
Althea, Donna, Tom and Petula
littleme
250,000th poster!
I need a thread for things the 'oldies' say, yesterday the oldies informed me they had bought a new car.....a 85plate.....I asked if they meant a 58, they say no - its an 85 cos it was built in 2008, I try to explain at great length that cars built in 2008 are either 08 or 58 plates - but they insist its an 85!!!
Also one of them is learning to play the Ukulele..... Christmas will be a treat!
Daily Mail headline maker - http://www.qwghlm.co.uk/toys/dailymail/
ARE FOXES KILLING TAXPAYERS' MONEY?
HAS TWITTER GIVEN HOMEOWNERS DIABETES?
COULD THE INTERNET MAKE HOUSE PRICES OBESE?
IS DUMBING-DOWN MAKING HARD-WORKING FAMILIES IMPOTENT?
It would be 'such fun' if it weren't so true.
ARE FOXES KILLING TAXPAYERS' MONEY?
HAS TWITTER GIVEN HOMEOWNERS DIABETES?
COULD THE INTERNET MAKE HOUSE PRICES OBESE?
IS DUMBING-DOWN MAKING HARD-WORKING FAMILIES IMPOTENT?
It would be 'such fun' if it weren't so true.
John Marwood
I ♥ cryptic crosswords
A skirt
Rise up
Against Nylon
Until
The laughing line
Revealed
Itself
Shear
Shiny
Semi
Lion
Rise up
Against Nylon
Until
The laughing line
Revealed
Itself
Shear
Shiny
Semi
Lion
Withnail
Well-Known Forumite
John Marwood
I ♥ cryptic crosswords
111178
gilbert grape
Well-Known Forumite
A girl I sit next to at work asked me if i could fix a problem with a file - All I said was "did you take the protection off before you put it in?"
Much redness of face and giggling. Such a crude girl, she is!
Much redness of face and giggling. Such a crude girl, she is!
Gramaisc
Forum O. G.
I remember somebody going into W H Smith's and asking the nice girl on the stationery counter if she sold rubber protectors. She went bright red and was rendered speechless. The chap in the queue behind him suggested that he might go across to Boots. He was still wondering what was going on when he got back to work and somebody suggested that the term 'eraser shield' might have been less ambiguous.
