Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)

John Marwood

John Marwood

I ♥ cryptic crosswords
proactive said:
Hilarious.
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I think so

That's because I've got a secret shute in my garden that takes me to lala land where Ribena flows in streams and pavements are made from boiled sweets, with fig rolls for walls and sausages for trees.

Donald Duck lives there too
 
Studio Tan

Studio Tan

Well-Known Forumite
Here's a joke that usually gets a laugh - and it also offers a certain amount of adaptability in that you can prefix the punchline with a specific person or job title you wish to poke fun at. Why not give it a go ?

First, here's a random assortment you may wish to try to get you started, then - and this is the fun bit - try one of your own !

My ex-wife (or ex-husband)
A solicitor
A city banker
A Borough Councillor
Simon Cowell
Donald Trump
Chris Grayling

OK, now let's use one of the aforementioned in the actual joke:

I say, I say, I say (that bit's optional) A banker just had an arsehole transplant, but it didn't work . . . (why not?) . . .

because the arsehole rejected him !

Have fun !
 
Mikinton

Mikinton

Well-Known Forumite
Something topical - Parents disapprove of offspring marrying someone of different political persuasion

A couple decide to get married in spite of their political differences, she being a staunch Conservative and he being an ardent socialist.

However, on the wedding night the inevitable happens and they end up arguing about politics. By bedtime there is a stony silence in the room - she is in the bed and he is sleeping on the floor.

After a little while the woman begins to feel aroused and whispers to her partner "There's been a split in the Conservative party and if the Labour member were to stand now he'd get in easily."

"Too bloody late.", came the reply. "He's already stood as an Independent and lost his deposit."
 
basil

basil

don't mention the blinds
Lady answered door
Chap on step with clipboard says
"Sorry to disturb you, I'm carrying out market research and need to ask you about your sanitary wear"
Lady is aghast and before she can protest he's in with his first question

"So what brand of pads do you use " ?

Lady refuses to answer and before she slams the door in his face she sarcastically yells 'Brillo' !!

The man leans down and shouts through the letterbox

"Oh a bright c*#t" !!!!?
 
Mikinton

Mikinton

Well-Known Forumite
Sir BoD said:
Aston Villa.
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