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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by BBC, Oct 3, 2006.
We live, (or die,) in hope.
I miss this pair and their irreverent humour:
A new take on an old story ….
Duke of Edinburgh Driving School promotion:
♪ Hello silence my old friend ...♫
1st old man : “I’ve developed an unusual complaint, every time I sneeze I get an erection”
2nd old man : “How strange. Are you taking anything for it ?”
1st old man : “Yes, snuff”
In the incubator, the farmer can't hear you scream !!!
You do have to wonder if M & S have thought this one through ….
It could be worse it could say "not just any love sausage this is an 'S and M love sausage' "
When I first saw this I laughed, then the laugh dried away as I realised you have to be a bit of an old fart to get it …
I think of it as a comedic asset technically speaking.
I know the feeling …
A Yorkshireman goes into a pub and says to the barman, "A pint of bitter, please."
Barman: "Certainly Sir. Whitbread?"
Man: "Ee, go on, I'll 'ave a couple of slices!"
Really made me chuckle
I've just got first place in a national bullshitting competition.
Well, I actually came 12th.
To be honest, there wasn't even a competition.
Always 'respect your elders' as they often know far more than you might think …
Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defence attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said:
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
Got asked the time by a Yodel delivery driver earlier.
I told him it was sometime between 8am and 6pm