Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe.....as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
(I am soooooo sorry.....but you really should've seen that one coming!!)
A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at B & Q and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to Church Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to the lane I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Jesus lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied,
'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!!!
This has probably been posted before, but I don't care............!
Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a Labrador named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?
The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?' Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, 'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother' The fairy godmother replied, 'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, 'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'
Cinderella looks over to the frightened Labrador in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old Labrador, into a kind and handsome young man. 'Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, '
Congratulations Cinderella, enjoy your new life. 'With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most
beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...
'Bet you're sorry you cut my nuts off now.