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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by BBC, Oct 3, 2006.
Yr ok Bob, I've seen your photo on Farcebook....................................... x
Hope that hardened bunker is very well inforced!
Hope @BobClay makes it that far!!!
I can't run fast with these arthritic knees!
I'll help, also crazy catwoman
….. (runs down to Screwfix to get extra bags of nuclear hardened bunker cement.)
Important information ….
That reminds of a very old one:
On New Years Day a fellah walks into a Pharmacist and asks for 365 condoms. Dutifully the pharmacist wraps them up for him.
On New Years Day the following year the same fellah walks in and asks for 365 condoms. Curious, but remaining silent the pharmacists wraps them up for him.
On New Years Day another year on the same fellah walks in and asks for 365 condoms. The pharmacist, trying to help, says: "It's a leap year this year, perhaps you should get 366 !!"
The fellah looks surprised then offended and replies: "What do you think I am ? … a sex maniac ?"
A professor is taking a survey on sexual activity.
He begins by asking the group how many of them have sex more than once per day on average, and a few raise their hands.
Then he asks "several times a week", and quite a few more raise their hands.
More than once a month? Several more raise their hands.
Then he finally gets down to once per year .... and one guy excitedly raises his hand, with the broadest smile ever.
The professor, mystified, says,"Only once per year? Why are you so happy?"
"Well," the guy yells "Because tonight's the night!"
A lad I worked with decided that he would get his own one of these -
- it's a thin, stainless steel sheet with various shaped holes and slots punched out of it. Its purpose is to allow you to rub out small errors on a drawing without disturbing nearby stuff that you wanted left. He was fed up with trying to borrow other people's ones all the time.
So, he set off into town, believing that W H Smith would be the most likely source. He took his place in the queue at the pen desk that used to be in the back corner and waited for his turn.
When his turn came, he suddenly realised that he had no idea what the correct term for it was, so he asked the poor young girl behind the counter "Do you sell rubber protectors?"
She became totally mute and just stared at him.
The bloke behind him in the queue told him "I think you want Boots across the road, old chap".
So, he had run out of lunch hour by now, and didn't think Boots would have one.
On returning to the office, he demanded to know what the correct terminology was, and this ended up with the truth coming out - up to that point, he hadn't really realised what he had apparently asked the poor girl for...
The generally accepted term would be 'eraser shield'...
Short hand ? Serbo-Croat ? Martian ?
Stick with Rex … (as in Tyrannosaurus.)
Makes me laugh over and over because I keep forgetting I've already seen it ….
From 6 years ago, but always to a large extent true ...
They should do a celebrity version of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
A loud pounding on the front door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," replies the husband. "It is three in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that ?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him ?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's three in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there !"
"Well you have a short memory," says the wife. "Can't you remember about a month ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us ? I think you should go and help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself."
Feeling guilty the man gets up to do as she says and goes outside into the pounding rain. He calls out in the dark: "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes, " comes a reply.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes please," comes a reply from the dark.
"Where are you ?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
Always the more sensible gender ….
Rum does it for me …..
Christmas jokes are me ….