1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Welcome to Stafford Forum. Please or sign-up and start posting!

Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by BBC, Oct 3, 2006.

  1. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    I've always liked completely daft jokes …. :facepalm:

    My dog Minton has eaten all of my shuttlecocks.

    BadMinton.
     
    whitelion, Thehooperman and Gramaisc like this.
  2. joshua

    joshua Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2009
    Messages:
    2,744
    Likes Received:
    1,388
    A US cavalry troop were surrounded on three sides by hundreds of Apaches. They were fighting for their lives and things were getting desperate. Realizing that the situation was hopeless, the OC orders two of his scouts to recce a blind canyon to their rear to see if it offered a more promising defensive position.

    The two scouts galloped off at speed up the canyon. Before long they reached the end of the canyon and discovered that all it contained were some abandoned nissen huts that had once belonged to the navy. Looking inside, they found nothing but piles of Easter eggs.

    They galloped off back to where there comrades were still fighting off the Apaches, reported to their OC and told them what they had found. The OC ordered them back up the canyon. They were to light a fire, melt down the Easter eggs and smear the chocolate over the huts to make them look like massive boulders.

    Having allowed sufficient time for the task to be completed, the OC ordered his men to mount up, make their way to the end of the canyon and to all get inside the huts. This they did.

    The Apaches followed in hot pursuit to the mouth of the canyon but, fearing an ambush lay beyond, their chief ordered them to stop while he sent two of his braves ahead to see what lay within. The two braves made their way stealthily into the canyon. There was absolutely no trace of their enemy. There was nothing at all to be seen but three or four very large brown boulders.

    They duly reported back to their chief and told them that the soldiers had disappeared and the canyon was empty save for some very large brown boulders.

    The chief snorted with derision, "Boulders? Bollocks are they boulders! They're huts... Old naval huts ... Huh!... Cavalry take them and they cover them in chocolate."




    (You'd really have to be a certain age for any of this to make any sense.)



    We really do desperately need a GROAN button!
     
  3. Trumpet

    Trumpet Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2009
    Messages:
    7,381
    Likes Received:
    3,645
    BobClay and joshua like this.
  4. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    What a terrible slur …. :eek:

    <---- puts on sack cloth. Worships the Holy Groanometer. :teef:
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2020
  5. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    Bit much at 10am … :eek: (1000 hours to you landlubbers.)

    neighbour.jpg
     
    Thehooperman likes this.
  6. Trumpet

    Trumpet Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2009
    Messages:
    7,381
    Likes Received:
    3,645
    One that might make @BobClay's groanometer explode.
    Did you hear about the midwestern gun slinger that lost his voice? Quiet Earp.
     
  7. basil

    basil don't mention the blinds

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2009
    Messages:
    9,108
    Likes Received:
    2,060
  8. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    This kid will go far …..

    DumpTruck.jpg
     
    basil and Glam like this.
  9. Tilly

    Tilly Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2018
    Messages:
    4,403
    Likes Received:
    2,649
  10. basil

    basil don't mention the blinds

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2009
    Messages:
    9,108
    Likes Received:
    2,060
    Utter bollocks!.....
     
  11. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    Reminds me of that old joke: "80% of the people in this country do not understand percentages. The other 25% couldn't give a shit." :roll::buddy:
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2020
  12. Tilly

    Tilly Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2018
    Messages:
    4,403
    Likes Received:
    2,649
    Boasting Stafford has 1 in 5 people financially stretched

    This is a good thing then ?
     
  13. Withnail

    Withnail Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2010
    Messages:
    17,386
    Likes Received:
    5,411
    When by national average it is closer to one in four?

    This is just a thing then, now?

    We accept that one in every four people you meet is struggling to stay afloat.

    Not waving, but drowning?
     
  14. Tilly

    Tilly Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2018
    Messages:
    4,403
    Likes Received:
    2,649
    Fake fivers
     
  15. Withnail

    Withnail Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2010
    Messages:
    17,386
    Likes Received:
    5,411
    Fifty pence pieces
     
  16. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    It's an old one …. but never more appropriate than nowadays …. :buddy:

    OZpolitics.jpg
     
  17. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    In not un-similar circumstances, you can't begin to imagine the shit I went through before Muhammad Ali changed his name … :eek:

    Tickle.jpg
     
    littleme, Thehooperman and Gramaisc like this.
  18. Gramaisc

    Gramaisc Forum O. G.

    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Messages:
    45,830
    Likes Received:
    18,235
    "What colour is Mr ****?" is a fairly common pub quiz question. Mr Tickle is the only one that I know.

    It was a question in the King's Arms quiz many years ago, when they had a six-year-old pub-child who took no prisoners, as far as the patrons were concerned.

    Debate raged amongst the "adults" on the team, largely about whether the answer would be red or blue. I had no idea and it was clear that they didn't either, despite appearing to debate the issue, but in the complete absence of any real knowledge.

    Whilst this went on, pub-child was sat next to me with a Game-Boy-type thing, so I asked her. "Orange", she said, glancing at me with a slight air of despair.

    The debate raged on, but something had to be written - "What shall we put?", I was asked, as though it would then be my fault. "She says it's orange" - "Oh, I don't think there are any orange ones" - and the debate raged further on along those lines...

    A further glance of utter contempt from my informant led me to state "Put Orange! She says it's Orange - and, if it's wrong, she won't be able to sit down for week!" (which drew a shocked intake of breath from the debaters).

    As we can see, my faith was fully justified.
     
    BobClay and Mikinton like this.
  19. BobClay

    BobClay Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    2,528
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    …. Not a trace … of doubt in my mind ...

    Monkees.jpg
     
    Gramaisc likes this.
  20. Mikinton

    Mikinton Well-Known Forumite

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2011
    Messages:
    2,227
    Likes Received:
    1,337
    As I've mentioned elsewhere, twenty-something years ago I used to be a member of the Derrington VH "B" quiz team in the Stafford "Locks & Latches" Quiz League. There were a maximum of four in the team, plus a question-reader if you were playing at home.

    Finding five people was on occasions a problem, so there were some weeks when I had to draft my son into the team, who'd have been around thirteen or fourteen at the time. It was handy having a bright, knowledgeable teenager in the team as most teams comprised people in their 30s or over.

    Anyway, one week we were really short, so my daughter offered to take part as well (well, it probably was half-term or something). She'd have been about 11 years old at the time, and always wanting to come along. One question we were asked was "Where is Arthur's Seat?" and, quick as a flash, she said "I know, I know" and leant forward and whispered "Albert Square". Well, this gave us a bit of a problem - obviously she was right (sort-of) though it wouldn't have been the answer the question-setter was looking for. In the end, we had to disappoint her by answering "Edinburgh" and getting the point, though we did make a thing of it in the post-quiz inquest as we were munching on our sandwiches.

    (For Welsh speakers, "a few miles south of Dolgellau" would have been another possible correct answer - Cader Idris.)
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2020

Share This Page