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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by BBC, Oct 3, 2006.
You do need to do it Caerphilly.
These jokes are really smegging bad.
The Frog Prince
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured Princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said:
"Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, as the Princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't flippin think so
I think that's what's known as a "F*** You" moment.
I did edit it for the language
She is of course right ... although I think she still might need a good lawyer ...
Doctor Doctor ... I think I'm invisible.
Who said that ??
I have heard that Chris Grayling is to be appointed as Chairman of the Intelligence Committee.
This thread may have run its course...
That settles it for me. Putin did help the Tories win that election.
An Englishman was taking a driving holiday across Australia's vast outback when he spotted a solitary bar in the middle of nowhere. Thinking a cold beer would be nice in this heat he stopped, went in and ordered a beer. Needing to pee he asked the bar man where the Gents was.
"Though that door and out back," the barman replied.
He went through the door and found he was out in the open, a vast desert stretching to the horizon. Then he noticed to his left, a small pile of droppings, alongside a damp patch. He looked right and there was another small pile of droppings alongside another damp patch.
"Well this is a bit basic," he said to himself. "But needs must." So he stepped left and started to pee on the damp patch.
Then another customer came through the door wearing a side up hat with corks dangling, a bush jacket and khaki shorts. He stepped to the right to pee.
"Gidday gidday mate," said the newcomer. "Yer not from round here are ya ?"
"Well no I'm not," replied the Englishman. "How can you tell ?"
"Well you're pissing in the lady's Dunny," replied the Oz.
Near where I am exiled, there was a pub run by two sisters.
Lady customers, of whom there were few, were able to use the facilities within the premises, everybody else had the full use of the field behind.
I've stolen this as it made me laugh....
Took a drive into the countryside earlier and saw a sign outside a farm reading 'Egg's and Paracetamol for sale'. I pulled up & said to the bloke 'Why are you selling Paracetamol'? He said....
'Coz I'm a Farmer see'
A member of the Flat Earth Society recently said that he feared Social Distancing might push some people over the edge.
The king asked the royal weather forecaster to give him the forecast for the next few hours. He said there would be no rain for at least 48 hours - so the king and the queen went fishing.
On the way he met a man with a fishing rod riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace because in a short while I expect a huge rain storm."
The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."
So, the king continued on his way.
However, in a short time a torrential cold rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist.
Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain"
So, the king hired the donkey.
And so, began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.
The practice is unbroken to this very day!
It's corny, but good corny ..